Random note in the middle of November 09

had been lazy to blog lately...

maybe because i dun have as much free time as i used to have when i was not working.

So far abt work, i had been settling pretty well and imposing myself as much as possible in term of design. Had been doing voluntary OTs even though i have no idea i will get paid for it.

Its a marked difference than when i'm in the army, where every min "dragged" is deemed as an absolute waste of time and to be viewed in digust.

But perhaps thats the difference between Shift worker and Day worker.

Seriously, i felt time is so much easier to pass as a day worker; time is fixed, one long fucking hour to eat lunch, predictability in term of OFF days (you will not get recalled to work unlike as a SHIFT worker), and literally, i became happier and also more hardworking.

I cant recall the last time i worked this hard (plus all the OT). In Army, working hard or not hard is practically the same, as there is simply no way to gauge (as far as my job specs is concerned).

Nowadays, i'm in a financial crunch, as the aftereffects of having no job for the past 3 mths is taking its toll. my Boss had been superb and good to me, which is a great consolation.

random~

watever... logging off~

Ask more of me pls...

Last Friday, i was kindda pissed when my design was said to be too dark and then upon clarification abt what their marketing focus, the answer was just "no need to that level"; "just follow like the previous one can liao"

I felt kindda insulted.

At that moment, I thought i was angry because of how they work (or how she perceive it). I thought that I had to "dumb down" my designs for the sake of "utility". I thought abt it being a quantitative vs qualitative thing. I thought this is going to mark the start of a decline.

Then the "big boss" came and say/give the go ahead "to just change things". I was told that I could feel free to change anything I want and be daring in my design.

Stumbled. Contradicted. Confused.

So I wonder if its a one person thing or its a cultural issue?

Over the weekend, as I was pondering over what's right and what's wrong abt this peculiar situation, I concluded that it has nothing to with "the standard of design".

I'm simply angry because of the fact that my perfectionism is not reflected upon my supposed colleague. (not that i'm suggesting she is not professional). I am simply angry with the words that suggested that a mass read-and-throw flyer should not be designed with the best possible aesthetic and design considerations.

I'm just angry that she didnt ask more of me.

This last line; this conclusion dumb-founded myself.
Perhaps my high expectation of myself, especially my pre-supposed "eliteness" and "perfectness" in my imaginary world of how MNC, resulted in my more than necessary "Ask" in my own ability and benchmarking. (again, i'm not suggesting my office ppl here isnt "perfect" enough in their work: they are amazing and fantastic)

Its just self-realisation of how much I ask of myself.

Never-the-less, I not going to cut back or discount anything. I still gonna continue as I am already, and blast big hole in the stratosphere.

Why? Why overkill and overdo?

Because I'm Mingji.

meep.

I really missed her and loved her...

heartache in the morning of the first day of work. Maybe i shouldn't trot into her facebook page sia...

cant get over it~ haiz...

The Apprentice Singapore

What an amazing day it was...

Yesterday I went for an interview for a position in Graphic Designer. Its for this company call Angsana Creative (no webbie). So I was told that there is a lot of ppl vying for this position. So after this 1st round of interview, me and another 3 were chosen for a 2nd interview to let the company the position is based in choose.

When i reach the lobby of the office building, i saw the boss - Francis, on the phone. At the coffee table there seated a very cute and pretty thai girl; and as I approached, I saw the portfolio and i realised, she is one of the candidates for the job. I was like... crap... this is going to be a tough one... If I'm the boss, i'm so going to employ her just because she got such sweet character and personality...

Then the next candidate came, a handsome Indonesian guy. I was like, alright... this is how its going to be man.... And another girl came whom i heard have lotsa experienced in the aspect of this job.

So we went "The Apprentice" sia... The interview is conducted one by one by a panel of 3. And its weird as seldom does job applicants of the same position actually sits together and see each other. After chatting with them all, i realised they are all very nice ppl ; how i wish i can work with them as colleagues...

Ultimately, its a selection between 4 equally matched candidates (in my opinion), all with equal chance of getting the job.

Steven, the handsome Indonesian with fantastic portfolio from his last job of 3 months.
Jess, the pretty girl with good resume in print
Amm, the cute thai girl whom have the ability to sweeten anyone's day
and finally me, the sociable hermit (oxymoron...)

So anyway, after the interview, Francis treated us all to coffee and then lunch at a Thai restaurant. We chatted a lot and we know each other much better (like friends) and heard the fantastic entrepreneurial story of Francis. But after lunch, the news came.

Francis announced that I got the job.

I felt happy and sad at the same time. Because I really wished to work with these great ppl. And also felt bad that I took the position, which also meant that they lost it. But the real world is like this. But at least for me, its one of the rare times that i came out of something triumphant.

But i'm also determined to keep these 3 new friends in contact. They are really nice ppl. =}

So finally, after the 3 had left (for their personal appts), I met the incumbent Zhang Yan. And no wonder she is there for 2-3 years and the ppl at Canon love her so much. She is super cute, super bubbly and have this aura of happiness around her. Amazing...

So tomorrow i will take over from her in the morning, while its her last day of work there. After will have farewell and crying session for her. Monday then will i be starting work.

Its a new era in my life.

I going to enjoy it!

Aftertaste of Inadequacy.

Dunno if it just self-consciousness or just my imagination, the aftertaste of the meeting with CHS seemed to invoke a sense of inadequacy; and perhaps lost.

Perhaps the fashion snafu for today affected me a bit; perhaps its just the fact that i'm just still not there yet... Perhaps there is this undetected under surface seeking of acknowledgement and qualification to her. What the fuck just happened? = \

So even after all these time, i did not really succeed in getting over the sense of banishment in the face of CHS. Perhaps its just the video she watched on my laptop; or just that difference in opinion on my past relationship.

But meeting her also gave me sense of grounding and realisation on reality from fantasy. Much like meeting Annie which would give me a sense of the urgency to work hard. Both gave me the sense of reality.

On the other hand, CHS appears less tired and fatigue than the last time i met her (years ago). She look pretty again and back to the vitality that made her so attractive at the first. Nope, i didnt fall for her all over again; dun dare and no point; perhaps even not qualified. I'm just not mature enough for her (definitely in her mind).

Sick of this blog as well.... always have this suspicion when i post things from my heart. Fuck it. I just gonna post it. To hell with censors.

"mingji's blog is now personal again" (ripping off HP)

p.s: lets hope CHS dun read my blog.... =P

Alarm clock SNAFU - a fucked day.

I had an interview with Play Imaginative 11am today. So i set my alarm clock at 9am.

Then I wake up (on my own), i look at the clock and SHOCK! its 3pm!

I punch the pillow in anger and slump my head into that soft compound. Then i noticed the sunlight is unusually dull and dark; a morning light than an afternoon shine. So i guessed i must have see the clock wrongly. So i got up and took another look...

Phew! its actually going to 9am. And then the clock rang...

I press the snooze (usually 3 snooze before i'm willing to get up, especially for a lack of sleep morning). After the 2nd snooze, i decided, yeah i gonna wake up after the 3rd snooze alarm.

It never came.

When i woke up, its 11am+. Crap.

But the funny things is, there is no longer that rush of adrenaline that brinks me to anger. There's just nothing. Its like crying at the coffin for a good 5 mins then someone tell you thats the wrong coffin; you just cant cry again.

So i just email the Creative Director and asked him for a reschedule. I went back to sleep.

Prior to sleeping at the early hours ard 6am, I was busy fixing my flash website - the final element to fix before it can run on full throttle - and trying to get my limmingji.com online.

i had already owned limmingji.com for the past year, and it was already expired early this month. So i had been trying to link the domain name to my server and renew the ownership of the domain name with my registrar. So finally at 4am+, i get all done and limmingji.com online.

Then i went to play game. FIFA 10. =X till 5.30am.

So anyway, after emailing the C.D, i went back to sleep. All is well and good until in my dream, I am criticized by my Auntie (mother's elder sister); I'm so damn pissed, because i dun like to be criticized - so angry that i woke up.

So a good sleep turns awry.

I woke up with a fucking bad mood; when 5 mins ago, I was still perfectly okay. Crappy-moodly, I open the email: the C.D asked "can you tell me what happened". My day just went to a new low....

The day went on with a small tiff with Ben Ben and packing Ben Ben's clothes in a luggage and bring over to her house. The luggage is so full, that i need to force it close.

Haiz...

Not to mentioned my HTC phone is now as good as dead. Luckily just before it went into critical condition, i transferred all the photos and stuff into my computer: the first time i connect my HTC phone to my computer; only time and also the last time.

ABOUT THE PHONE.
the problem with phone started yesterday/the day before, when the hearing element failed. I ended have to converse with ppl on phone by on-ing the speaker mode. Ppl can still hear me talk though.

Today, the phone decided to not let me talk to ppl anymore. So i can only hear ppl on the speaker mode, but other ppl cant hear shit. By the time i meet joshua for dinner, after i had already transfer all the photos (i glad i did it), the touch screen "organ" failed.

Imagine a touch screen phone with its touch screen failed. Leaving with just the keypad (luckily there is still keypad), I updated my phone list that i kept in my computer and officially retired the phone to its natural death.

What a fucked day. haiz....

Finally, Singapore leveled-up! =D

Flash Mob at Raffles Place 23.10.09

Finally, we had something that rivals even the strongest of what Japan can offer... Hope to see this become mainstream and more common~

for now: Singapore Rocks~

*clap clap clap* for those involved~ (i believe i see some MDC ppl....)