A phone chat.

A paranoid posting on facebook, an adverse reaction, a phone call. The result, is that I totally lose what's the purpose of life anymore.

Why do you love but you give up?

Why do you work so hard, when what you try to work hard for forsakes for the very reason that would save it?

Why live, when honestly, there is no meaning in life than those lofty stupid little hopes and desires that will never fulfill each other...?

Now, I dun even know what right and wrong. What is in principle wrong, one can say until as if she is totally entitled to it. What length I have gone is still not long enough in another's eye.

For a split moment, I really feel like taking my own life just to end this meaningless existence.


Why do I need to struggle so hard to keep Joji afloat and to chase that dream of success and plentiful? Why?


As she flip flops between her mood, thoughts and emotions; my mind get twisted and confused at the same time. She ignored me and gave me the cold shoulders (just like YS did); and suddenly became emo and cry and claims that she loved me. Her heart died and left no emotions when I broke down. She jumped to life and start crying terribly when I wronged her on facebook. So how should I look at it? Love me > Hate me??? Love < Pride??? Self interest > our relationship???

What is what? Which is which?


One moment ago, I was so totally confident and clear conscience that I have did everything right and as much as I could; another moment, I have totally no idea if I had did what I did right, and as much as I could. How could that even be possible? But what more/else can I really had done?


亦似合，却似错。 人以尽，但似空。


Maybe I will kill myself someday. Lets hope I find a reason to live before that happens.