Mingji's Capricious Destiny

Love vs Bread

2012-01-05T15:45:00.004+08:00

"The truth is, only when you choose love over bread, thats when you are truly at your happiest."

the GIRL whom will be my life.

2012-01-04T15:43:00.000+08:00

basically this post is just to write down some simple basic “criteria” or “what I am looking for” points as to what I want for my future, and hopefully final, girlfriend.

The points are not in order:

it just happen to came into my attention that, i actually want a girl whom could trust and love me so much that, she will never get jealous; as i would also do likewise, as i am always outrageously trusty of my past gfs.
she must have the type of look that i like
she must not be fat ( she can be average or with little paddings though )
she must have a very pleasant character/personality - that people would love to hang out with her
she must not see money more important that love - that she would choose love over bread (i know its difficult…)
she must have basic courtesy, manners and filial piety.
she must be able to converse well with me.
she must not be spendthrift or shopaholic (once in a while is okay…)
i must be super in love with her.

so far i can only think of these… will add on if i can think of any others…

Courage in the face of Reality

2012-01-02T15:42:00.000+08:00

As much as I see the new year as a great start, the truth is that there is a lot that didnt really go my way.

And being that typical emo pisces, such “misfortune” could be easily devastated. But because 2012 is the year i will force the change i desired, i just refused to give in.

There kept having this sense of danger of repeating past mistakes and screwing things that I values up.

But i will stay resilient; and continue to work toward my goal of becoming a very eligible bachelor.

Hope things goes my way!

[tumblr] new year - 2012.

2012-01-02T15:38:00.000+08:00

2012 - The Year of Actions

2012-01-01T23:10:00.001+08:00

New Year Eve Celebration is Awesome~~!!!!

Sometimes its really like that, when things are really at the least expected, it often turns out to be really pleasant and surprising.

Just when I thought I gonna spend my NYE just like many other NYE I had: at Marina Bay area - plans suddenly took a very quick turn just 4 hours from the new year, ended up at the East Coast Park. I really have to everything to thank to this person.

Other than making great new friends, getting guessed to be 21-25 years old - I also managed to see how the sailors celebrated: by firing their flares!

Watched the sun rise myself, walk myself to the ground - and then still go to Orchard to support LATW's Dont Forget Your Sleague Day initiative.

Awesome. The power of taking action despite all odds is amazing. I gonna keep at it!

-------

On another front:

After paying so much attention thru the dark hours and then so much thought thru out the rest of the day; plus keep visiting that profile page almost at least once every hour - so much so until the first thing i wake up, is to have my heart pounding so fast, and my mind racing like there is no more tomorrow; doubts and desperate thoughts blazes as if the castle i built in the air going to crash down like mashmellows.

I gonna die very quickly of heart failure at this rate if this is going to be a common occurence~ LOL! Its a great start to 2012 though. =P

I now have totally no idea whats gonna happen next liao. =x

Towards 2012, the year of awesomeness!

2011-12-31T03:23:00.000+08:00

Finally, we are here on this day again. 31st December. My favourite day on the calendar.

Just as per tradition, this post is going to be about my hopes and resolutions for 2012.

----

After so many years of "sub-par standard Mingji" - I think 2012 will be the year I get my act together, and for once - BECOME AWESOME.

Years of poor "shape" (body), and the gradual fattening HAVE TO END. Just as per my Project Awesome, I will continue the newly formed weekly working out habit. Other than swim-cycle-gym-kickboxclass weekly routine: I hope to build on it and add Batminton (probably weekly or every other week); jog/running into the mix (hopefully my foot will heal faster and allow that to happen). Of course football gonna continue to be a "staple" of my sporting new life.

Any resolution will never be complete without my hopes for a better outcome for business and finance. I MUST build on this little momentum that I had groomed over the past 2 months, and push January/February 2012 into a break out month. Get another 1 or 2 clients over the January, and then HIRE my first employee! And hopefully by the end of next year, I would have a few employees with my own office space. =}

If possible, I would also like to venture into a new business, either in the form of Joji Intelligence (which is pretty difficult) or possibly in Social Media Marketing / Marketing or even Events. Play by ear on this one.

In term of self development, I would want to learn how to Do Programming (web/app/software development). Learn Canoeing. Get Bike License. Get back the Habit of Reading. Optionally, pick up Japanese/Korean.

On my "cyber" front, I want to revamp limmingji.com into a personal blog (minus emo stuff). Revamp Joji websites. And if I can make the time, create a online marketing product on love and relationship. =}

On the shopping front, I do like to get a new laptop, a new bicycle (for longer distant cycling), a suit complete with tie, PS3 with a HD TV (when business flies) and a new wardrobe of clothes (when business flies).

And about girls and love; I do not think I gonna dive into another relationship so quickly anymore... I want to make more female friends, date a bit more, know what I really want... and hopefully in 2012, I will be more certain of what I want, and the rest, I leave it to fate.

That looks one hell of a new year resolutions and hopes. Lets work towards that, and we will see... =}

2011 in Retrospect...

2011-12-30T01:25:00.000+08:00

Finally, its coming to the end of 2011.

And as per tradition, on the 30th of December every year, I will write a review abt the year; while 31st, I will write about the hopes for the next year.

----

I think 2011 had been quite a rollercoaster ride. It started with a high, where things seemed to be flowing well, got businesses coming in, have a lovely gf and hopes are really high for the year.

But unfortunately, it turns out that one of the "major" client is a toxic account, dragging the project and payment for 6 mths, before I only receiving the puny little sum for the classified ad, one project cancelled, and another project stopped - and then resumed last month, and while its completed, I havent even received the payment even up till today. And the client said during the early month (jan/feb) that its "URGENT". Lesson learnt.

My lovely, now ex-gf, brought me to Phuket for my birthday. I enjoyed the trip though with lotsa uneasiness as regard to that toxic client's works. She sponsored the entire trip, but she made some mistake with the finance planning, ended up burning quite a bit of cash that unnecessary. But there is nothing I can do to help, as I'm still scrapping the bit in my difficult entrepreneurial journey.

Then in June, its Bali. Ah~ Beautiful Bali.... Enjoyed the trip a lot more - it was for our 1 year anniversary. It was beautiful... riding horses and the sunset...

But then, things start to turn awry as the draggy business wears out the patience of my love; and her discontent at work pouring into our relationship as well... from bad to worse, the relationship finally ended as she finally gave up, in pursue of what I think is "the lifestyle she want" over "indefinite wait for this ill-fated lover".

Then came months of anguish, frustration, sadness and depression. The autumn period into the early winter is a dangerous stage of depression and I had seriously considered medical help - seeking anti-depressant. Then just as I decided on it, my mood starts to turn better and my depression slowly recedes... Work rate and productive slowly recover with the fading depression.

As I finally concluded that the broken relationship is irreconcilable, I turn the attention towards myself totally. With the moral and mental support of Jason, comes my futile 10 weeks 10 kg slimming challenge (it failed, I only dropped 3kg). I shaved my head to slap myself conscious that my current state of being is in no readiness for a new life nor new courtship. I signed up a Kick-boxing aerobic class as the only male student there. Its Project Awesome. (inspired by Barney from "How I know your mother" - which is one of the significant new "hobby/interest" - a new fav drama/sitcom series I gotten in 2011)

Project Awesome is a personal development project where I will slim down, become fit, become well groomed, well dressed, with a stable and successful business - and that I will become desirable again to the eyes of women; a life where work is balanced with social life and exercises; where gyming, swimming and sports is a regular part of my weekly life. I need my self-esteem back, I need my confidence back, I need to be what I always meant to be. To find back the real Mingji.

Now, I only left with 3 hamsters (Hugo, Thunder and Dior) - grateful to her that she left the 3 hamsters that bonded the best with me; while the other 7 now resides at her place. My aquarium is still alive, with Tut tut, Ah Beng and Bu Bai still ruling the MingjiSea. I would miss her dog though: Fluffy. ={

Ultimately, the most significant event in 2011, is still about losing someone I loved; and that from that, for once in my life, I persisted to the very very end (in something; anything) that, when I come round to face the fact - I have no regrets whatsoever. I did my best, literally. I will do likewise for Joji.

The past 3-4 months shaped what I had thought my 2011 review would be, so much that... I cant really write it any more "beautiful" than the blandness of it as above.

I hope Project Awesome could be pulled off, and I can finally be awesome.

A phone chat.

2011-12-22T15:30:00.002+08:00

A paranoid posting on facebook, an adverse reaction, a phone call. The result, is that I totally lose what's the purpose of life anymore.

Why do you love but you give up?

Why do you work so hard, when what you try to work hard for forsakes for the very reason that would save it?

Why live, when honestly, there is no meaning in life than those lofty stupid little hopes and desires that will never fulfill each other...?

Now, I dun even know what right and wrong. What is in principle wrong, one can say until as if she is totally entitled to it. What length I have gone is still not long enough in another's eye.

For a split moment, I really feel like taking my own life just to end this meaningless existence.

Why do I need to struggle so hard to keep Joji afloat and to chase that dream of success and plentiful? Why?

As she flip flops between her mood, thoughts and emotions; my mind get twisted and confused at the same time. She ignored me and gave me the cold shoulders (just like YS did); and suddenly became emo and cry and claims that she loved me. Her heart died and left no emotions when I broke down. She jumped to life and start crying terribly when I wronged her on facebook. So how should I look at it? Love me > Hate me??? Love < Pride??? Self interest > our relationship???

What is what? Which is which?

One moment ago, I was so totally confident and clear conscience that I have did everything right and as much as I could; another moment, I have totally no idea if I had did what I did right, and as much as I could. How could that even be possible? But what more/else can I really had done?

亦似合，却似错。人以尽，但似空。

Maybe I will kill myself someday. Lets hope I find a reason to live before that happens.

My new year wish on the marina bay ball...

2011-12-11T18:53:00.001+08:00

Sky.

2011-12-11T16:39:00.001+08:00

Lately, i suddenly refound the interest of raising my head and look into the heavens...

The night sky, the stars, the moon, the vastness; the blue sky, the clouds, the weeping celestial realm...

There is this calmness and peace that seeps into my conscious as i connect to the heavens... The less than demi-god thats left in me rediscovers a long lost feeling than had eluded me for a time that i can hardly remember now...

As i raise my arms, opens my chest - i can feel the flow of qi showering me from me from above, into my heart and soul; empowering and rejuvenates...

The quest for the lost mingji continues...

To all I have ever liked and loved.

2011-12-04T22:20:00.001+08:00

Dedicate this song to all the girls I had ever liked, chased and been together with. =}

It is all the moments and memories that made who we are. Positive or negative, its a common history that we all share, and that will last for the rest of our lives. Thank you. =}

Au = Gold

2011-12-03T03:06:00.001+08:00

Au Au~

=P

Bread Rulez

2011-11-27T20:10:00.001+08:00

Love = Love + Bread.

Love is not Bread.

Love cannot replace Bread.

Love cannot exist without Bread.

But Bread turns stale without Love.

Bread do still is needed without Love.

And thus, Bread - Love = Bread.

So Love = Bread + Bread = Lotsa Bread.

So now, Love needs a lot of bread before it can be really lovely.

So guys, makes lotsa breads before you go into love - abuthen, by the time you realised Love = 2 Breads, it would be too late.

Bread rulez.

That 30 mins...

2011-11-24T12:07:00.001+08:00

She look healthy, the face seemed to be thinner a bit... Definitely had aged compare to the last time I saw her.

I bought the rabbit soft toy just downstairs at the gift shop in TTSH; I last minute thought that i shouldnt be going up to visit without bringing anything. Tight on cash, but - I thought that few dollars shouldnt be much more harm than my starbucks... (starbucks is more expensive)

But its rejected outright, all the way from the beginning. Pure rejection. (surprised but not surprised)

Refused to tell me what happened to her, conversation eventually and unevitably goes back to what happened last year, where the misunderstanding caused an irreparable rift. ( I demanded her to pay up for her Yoga fees on her best friend's facebook status comment after she refused to reply my sms, including my ultimatum, also in sms - but unbeknownst to me, she changed her phone number on a wimp; I'm fully aware that this will lead to an ugly ending, because thats her weakness - her "face" and reputation). I explained myself as well as the circumstances that led to the act of "disbelieving proportion" - she kept quiet, but I know she understood - I can see it thru her expressionless face - finally...

I had never spoke nor managed to contact her ever since that day... So in a way, it was a good time to explain what really happened; and that I only knew she changed her phone number the day I met her. (although that wasnt my plan).

I made the trip without a clear "exit strategy" - I just knew that I have to go, and I really want to know how she is doing. I know it going to end up pretty difficult and i know there isnt going to be any "result". But as much as she claimed that I not going to get anything out of visiting her (neither do I think I gonna get anything out) - I think we both gotten something out. Amid the endless tearing from me, her blank stare at me - both of us got some sort of closing i guess...

She finally understood why I did what I did (because she now listened with a calm mind, thus can absorb better), and I am glad she now know that I am still me - I did the unbelievable simply because of the misunderstanding.

She said she dreamt abt me visiting her at the hospital last night, and chasing after her, asking for a closing. She tried to blocked out my name in the hospital contact listing... 2 times somemore. Somehow fate wanted me to meet her this one last time ( i guess ). It wasnt my purpose of visiting - I only wanted to see her and hope to see that she is alright. Thats all...

I just cannot stop my tear from rolling down from start to end... I wanted so much to put on a strong front, but seeing her, especially the conversation on things that is really beyond my control, just triggers the flood button.

I know she still cares abt me, no matter what she said. I know her well enough. I know. She maybe reading this blog, her friends may tell her what happened from my facebook (she knew I broke up with celena - although i insist, the break up had nothing to do with me visiting her - its simply me having the freedom to do what I want now, which happens to be visiting her) and she know me well enough to know what i truly think.

I dunno what the future brings... I just wish the best for her....

Taste of the same medicine.

2011-11-24T11:54:00.001+08:00

I had always been at the end of her facebook "attacks". Demeaning, demonized, disrepute.

I had always kept quiet because I feel that, I have to give her a channel to vent (for me, I usually just keep it inside...)

But as the relationship is totally over (as I smashed my fan to pieces), it had also marked the point when she had really moved on and left me behind.

But also because that is so, the coldness I had felt from her - its exactly why she shouldnt be speaking of me, especially when it attacks my character. It mislead readers to misunderstand the timeline of the context; and allow people to make judgement based on an misinformation. Its indecent and its unfair.

I made it an huge issue yesterday on facebook, drawing concerns and comment by many of my friends. Most of them had stood by me and concur with my views. I am thankful and reprieved. But its not a campaign of shame, its a campaign of dignity - that if you (or anyone whom had initiated a breakup) decides to move on; then dun be an oxymoron - dun ditch and then yet complain abt what the ditched did after the breakup that doesnt suit your eyes.

In a way, its taste of the same medicine - when the person you cared micro-blogged against you in the open space of facebook. I had swallowed it for thus long, its should no longer happen anymore.

I had tolerated the extremes and stuffs beyond what most man would accept and would even believed happened. I will NOT tolerate anymore attack at the only thing I had left possessing - my pride and dignity.

The final 30 mins.

2011-11-23T14:08:00.001+08:00

Its painful... Really painful. But i'm glad that it even actually happened.

I journeyed with a heavy heart, though understanding that if i dun go, i gonna regret it for the rest of my life.

But its so painful...... I cant even understand why it still hurts so much and that the tear just kept rolling and rolling...

I came knowing its possibly the last time i gonna be able to see her.

Its the final 30.... I regret so much for all that happened...... I regret!

............

Mystery of the forlorn

2011-11-13T18:28:00.001+08:00

As i finally step into Starbucks again, as i forced myself out of the house and not float down that river; a trap that all pisces have to constantly fight off...

It is then i realise i actually had lost my habit of going to starbucks; unimaginable for a such a big fan of starbucks i am... Not to mention my disconnect from indulging myself into the realm of music...

I suspect in my attempt to appease and keep the failing relationship intact, i dropped my habit and weekly activity of starbucking in exchange of staying at home; either working or simply not going because it would bore my bubbles out...

Unwittingly, this concession deepens my ability to survive independently, resulting in this current pathetic state of loneliness and hopelessness... How did i even get to this state at the first place; i really wonder...

How did me trying to not do an activity i like but that will bore out my gf cause me to end up totally lost when it could have been a refuge...

Music had just again came to rescue to keep me sane; and thus finally able to blog this post.

Somewhere online, i saw this quote: "if you cannot be happy being single, how are you able to be happy in a relationship? If you dun have a life being single, where do you have life to share with the person you love?"

This quote knock one hell of a sense into me. Its right! Really...

I uses to have a life; but as i turn single, i didnt have a life left... Perhaps because in the process of keeping everything rolling; the process of giving up more and more of myself just to keep things intact - i gradually left with nothing in myself; so empty that i have no life of my own to share with my bubbles... Perhaps that why she left. Perhaps quality time dun mean the time together. Perhaps quality time means quality time of my liking that will define me, and give me something to share... This is profound....

Its amazing how little is left of me after this tragedy; how much struggling i have to go thru to find back myself...

Everytime i throw myself into the ocean of music, i have this familiar feeling and deep emotions of old: the old me is coming back slowly - or perhaps a revival of a feeling or experience i used to have in the past that had kept me happy...

Me now: fatter, less charming, poorer, getting older, legs falling apart, emotionally emptier.... Its really no wonder why i am struggling...

Life as Mingji have little mercy when reality is concerned. The pisces fishes drifts in and out of their dreamland and love to swim in their imaginations... But when reality strikes hard, its like the fish is pull out of water and left on land grasping for air...

I must get back to the old me... I cant survive as the current self... I'm literallu dying and saffocating here... ={

Dependence

2011-10-28T23:19:00.001+08:00

Struggling for thus long; going thru the same torturous process everyday, I realised, i had totally invested my entire psychological balance into a single person.

As a result, the lack of it totally caught me in a relentless cycle of finding myself, my soul and my purpose. The gravity of the change had been utterly under estimated and i truly believe that i am clinically depressed.

Thank goodness, i lately realised that music, which i had some sort of forsaken; or perhaps less reliant on; had actually have a tremendous positive effect on my mental health. As i sing along my favourite emo/love songs, it helps to circumvent that unpurged choking of the heart and at the end of each session, my mind became clear again; able to think more rationally and logically.

As i blog this entry, i am still surprised by how deeply rooted i was into the relationship and that the detachment actually result in total breakdown of my mental health ( which is already pretty poor ). On the other side of the same coin, the amazing calming effect that my old habit and obsession in music have in bringing me back from the edge.

Perhaps thats how i was ever able to live gf less life during my sec sch and poly days... Music was my life then and that it occupies every empty notch and cracks: making me whole.

Perhaps its time to go return to music fully; devotedly and committedly.

Its probably time to be Mingji, the musician; Mingji, the singer; and Mingji, the flutist; once again...

Toward redependence.

Muffled pain.

2011-10-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

Now, mybubbles is no longer really my bubbles anymore.

~~Apparently, she had been staying with some guy nowadays, as I had suspected and predicted;~~ things just turn and change so quickly, its amazing how she is supposed to be the one whom is having a very loving relationship with me.

My heartache now feels more like arthritis or my heel injury than a stab on the blade. The pain is muffled but still real. As much as I emotionally love her... I have to keep a conscious watch to keep my emotions in checked and move myself away from her. Its getting toxic by the day....

With Raine, at least to me, there is still a very slight chance of getting back together (if I ever think that's an option; although I think is pretty unlikely at this stage); but with bubbles.... I really dun think its ever a good idea anymore - the way she treated me, her decisions, her actions - made a relationship back together, a toxic one.

It does somehow reaffirm my certain perspective on girls...

Life have to go on however....

The Unknown Respect

2011-10-19T17:31:00.001+08:00

In the entire length of the relationship, I only went out with 2 female friends. One of the created quite a stir; the other, she came along as well. And that's it.

And unbeknownst to her is that, I have a lot of female friends whom are meaningful friends in my life, whom I didnt attempt to meet up - a form of respect and also probably avoidance of unnecessary trouble.

But somehow, as the relationship is undoubtedly over; meeting these important friends in life; they are no random people; actually provoked a response. One is my immediate junior in my dizi section; another a soul mate whom we share our problems with. Watch one movie, ate some supper. Simple stuff.

In comparison, it will never "beat" what she did to me. Not even close.

我问心无愧。

Inner Beauty

2011-10-18T00:25:00.002+08:00

Inner beauty, or rather, personality and character - is a very important but fragile part of human sociology.

The masking and enhancing of this over-mentioned part of a person's beauty (the other being the exterior - looks and figure) during courtship and fresh love relationship are like the spreading of the peacock's tail.

But one should not just judge inner beauty of that moment; small signs give away the true nature of that person, even when its being masked under the captivation of love.

Similarly, as humans should always try as much as possible to be on the moral high grounds and maintaining certain degree of ethnics and morals - its sometime disturbing to see ppl throwing away their image of good character and manners, just because you broke up with that person, and that person no longer serve a purpose in your supposed future life.

We live and breath who we are.

You only cheat yourself when you betray your soul.

Distracted.

2011-10-16T16:11:00.000+08:00

This is the ultimate distraction.

Check her facebook wall every 30 mins; figuring whats happening, where is she, what she's doing. Did she go home or did she go someone's home.....? The best part, I cant stop myself from thinking and worrying... Going thru this for the past 2 months; now having a ipad doesnt seem such a good idea.

I cant even concentrate at all at anything impt....

And now what, cold war? going thru what I gone thru with yinshan all over again.... fantastic. oh yah, not to mention the ultimate cause is also the same....

I suck i guess...

FML.

Chunkfestless.

2011-10-15T14:50:00.001+08:00

Someone was supposed to go with me to the chunkfest.

But she packed the whole weekend; perhaps even going with someone else than me.

If I'm not disillusioned. I'm not human.

..................

Heart broken....

2011-10-15T12:23:00.000+08:00

When the person you love is happy without you; I dunno how are you going to be happy anymore...

Am I single or what?

2011-09-20T20:16:00.000+08:00

I no longer know if I'm single or attached.

She is no longer there for me. Dun spend time with me ( the only 2 time in my recent memory: one to accompany parents; another just to come home to eat/cook dinner - which i dunno to cook is because she want to spend time with me, or simply a financial decision )

She dun tell me where she goes anymore ( of course she wont, as the ones she dun inform me is to go out with different guys ). Now, got any things/event she want to go, she dun ask me first but ask her friends on facebook. Go home, didnt tell me - never consider that I would be waiting for her... who knows where she really went in the middle of the night; which I know is with a guy.

Go overseas with a guy; and I only know when I pop the question myself, and by then, air tickets booked. Who knows what happened during the trip.

The trust is eroded.

I feel betrayed.

Perhaps I am betrayed.

The "It's complicated" in the facebook relationship status is an understatement. I am leading a forced-upon single life with a facade of a attached identity shrouded with very public "news releases" that my relationship is in trouble and complicated.

I didn't do a single thing differently, from what I did for the past year.

Now. In a period of terrible stress and pressures; my gf is now enjoying her concert with dunno-who in her little self-enlightenment moment of psychological buffs which I had been telling her for godknowhowlong; I'm here to face it alone, writing this stupid blog post to vent. yeah, plenty of love and support from my supposed gf.

Cavity in the heart.

2011-09-18T16:03:00.001+08:00

Empty.

Thats the feeling I have now...

The heart once again felt empty... like something is lost.

Not sure how long this can go on...

Timeout : really out.

2011-08-30T12:52:00.000+08:00

What begun as what I thought was a new era, is now approaching the possible end, that its just history repeating itself.

Opening my eyes, looking at the pink figure - then come the snub. She have no intention to seem to want to try to reignite the dying flames.

All I feel like doing was to jump on facebook and blast away my feelings; I just cannot keep it inside anymore. Doing the right thing have proven to be far from consistently right. If this is a script, the [CUE] is here for a war of words, so as to lead to a flurry of exchange and then really end the relationship with a bang. I just see it coming. I'm closing my eyes...

I really have no regrets, except for the fact that Joji is still crawling on the floor. I have been consistent and keeping to my principles. But from month to month, from what begun as her dying to see me, as long as my presence is there, she is satisfied - to my presence is ignorable, all she want is "quality time": a something which is ambiguous and found wanting in the present state of difficult times...

My heart sank once again, this time for a different girl - and proved my theory once and one again: that a guy should focus fully of his path to success. Without success and money, everything else is bullshit.

I cant even start to express the sort of frustration thats now boiling within my heart; I just hate how the things that I just did, even just the day before - could be ignored so easily. Not just once, but it took me to highlight it so many times, point out so many times.... all she do is just keep nitpicking on her obsession of "quality time".

Fuck shit.

What's the "quality" thats lacking is the enthusiasm and cheerfulness that caught my heart in the beginning. It is that carefree and wanderlust personality that made me break my principles to give this relationship a shot at all.

But all this desirables just stripped away slowly; unveiling to the true self of anger, distaste against the folks, negativity and inadequacies - that comes in a cycle of destruction. Holding on, believing and hoping, my attempts to keep her in her cheery self is futile - adding on top, with her secret detective-like curiousity (not different from her mother, which the action irks her)... she successfully created a pseudo-love-triangle that never existed.

What could have blocked this "return to nature" would have been money. Enough of it, could possible blindside to a oasis and choke the degeneration into a cycle of destruction. But unfortunately, I just happened to be poor and lack of this resource.

Then the tidal wall starts to crumble a few months after she joined her current company. Virtually everyday, she complains abt the work, the workload, the superiors, the colleagues, the politics; building up negativity on a day to day basis. My suggestions to change job brushed aside promptly - the unhappiness at work finally starts to affect our relationship.

I have no idea how she can ignore the fact that her unhappiness at work is the direct cause of her dissatisfaction in life and in our relationship; me and my non-success became the scapegoat of a witch-hunt for that "one thing wrong" that skipped from "the little things" to the current "quality time". Its really a witch-hunt that I already recognise way long ago when it first started.

Blaming me for the waning passion for her and the relationship - retrospect somehow dun point to her that, no guys would be able to keep that passion burning amidst all that daily negative talk, foul expressions and lack of faith. Who can continuously fall in love with a person that have nothing much of happy things to say, a facial expression that express unhappiness and perceived-hopelessness and one that just avoids all the hard things in life - escaping by ignoring instead of assertive actions to change the source of the problems.

Just like the crossfire with the family, the decisions to take a negative stance or keeping mum, avoiding and escaping - did little but exacerbate the problematic issues and discontentment on both sides. Mother and daughter, as much as they dun want to admit it - is of the same traits: hateful, proud and negative. I took the side of my love, but yet understood that she is not in the position of righteousness and correctness in that past saga. I stick to her and kept her up - because I loved her and I want to make her whole again.

My home became that sanctuary; that oasis in the middle of the desert where she can find respite and escape the bitter heat of "her reality". What I thought would make her happier (since she always wanted to spend more time with me) end up becoming her, rejecting (silently at the beginning) my interests and hobbies... ultimately even friends. My deep interest in football and computer gaming became like a sin, which she "close one eye" to allow me to indulge; while even working during odd hours also became a sin.

Her inability to sleep with the sound of my keyboard typing (my keyboard pretty quiet) and the monitor shining, working at night became a revolting activity. I tolerated, try to work around it, avoid it or even giving up working at night - but that is just a "small little thing" that matters and then no longer matters... Like all other issues of "small little" stature: like giving her the life that she is comfortable with - eating at restaurants, and splashing a bit here and there - also mattered and the no longer matters. And then thrown in my face like as if dun eat at home is a sin. And then when we stayed home, staying home became a sin. Before you know it, sleeping in the afternoon became a sin. She didnt do the things she planned to do became my sin. I doing the things I want to do became a sin.

Nothing seems right anymore. Everything, every decision and every action I took - is wrong. I can never be right anymore. Not even with my reasonings, logic, eloquence - all can be ignored, because I was missing the concept of "quality time".

In every relationship problem, both party will always think they are right and they will almost always paint the picture in their own favors. The above, perhaps I'm guilty of it too - since I have no understand in "little things" and "quality time". I only know that I've been trying so hard to just do the right thing, to make her happy while balancing my work - all I've left is my work.(fortunately, at least I still have something left...)

She completed her make up, wearing the new pink dress - left with the air of attitude and defiance - sending me the cold shoulders like as if I've cheated on her or that I have just abused her. The signs are clear: she actually have no intention to patch up the gaping holes; she intents to escape once again. If I was her, and had intended to keep the relationship - the actions would have been to warm up to the bf and try to make things work together again - like a new beginning. Maybe my lack of understand of "quality time" just is too much to bear... Maybe I need bigger eyes to see all that "little things" that I'm missing.

I truly believed that we could worked out and be together forever. But look at the "its complicated" relationship status that she changed - remembering all the emo blasting she did - our relationship seemed more like a soap opera that is playing up in the facebook; an incessant urge to gain sympathy from the world that actually give hardly a damn.

CONCLUSION:

Me < Money.
Me < Indulgence.
Me < "Quality Time".
Me < Her.

I havent thrown in the towel yet. But when I do, she will not even recognise me.

My faith in love wears thin. Thinner than ever before.

The Self-Centeredness of Designers

2011-08-17T16:19:00.000+08:00

Do you know that Designers are a bunch of self-centered folks?

I'm a Designer, so I know.

You see, as a designer, we are obsessed with our skills, capabilities and accomplishments. We tend to be proud that our work have been seen or used by X number of people. Or my client is XXX branded company and XXX MNC.

Maybe, self-centered, acknowledgement craving people becomes designers. lol~ Maybe its not Designers become acknowledgement craving (which still is very possible).

You see, in sch, design students are shown a lot of good designs and beautiful artworks by others. Inspired by these god-like inspirations, the students will strive to become god-like themselves. So for every little accomplishments and achievements, we tend to gloat and feed our ego like as if we have attain godliness.

But for me, as I grew older, year on year - my sense of "achievement" in doing works "seen by many" got lesser and lesser. Even when the flyers I did singlehandedly for Canon (barring the information, which I have to be fed) was used in 3 major IT shows, plus many others smaller shows and in the different outlets - the feeling I got is simply a sense of contentment. I'm not really "excited" in a big way.

I'm glad that my works are making a difference to some (my flyers coincides with the record sales for Canon Singapore's IT SHOW 2010 last year; my window display for Durachop is unforgetable); my desire to make bigger difference tamed my excitement.

Nowadays, I can't really be bothered much abt "achievement" in designing...

I have moved on. =x

Sentiments.

2011-08-10T16:44:00.000+08:00

Do you know that the positiveness or negativity of the people towards certain subject (for example: political perceptions), are all based on general sentiments.

General sentiments is the aggregation of the person's experiences, sights, perceptions and conversations. Such sentiments are not "based on facts" but rather based on "reality". Everyone have their own reality - their perception towards things; and such realities are often backed and reinforced thru repeated reinforcement of "evidences" and "examples".

So even though it have little to do with facts, the onset of a negative/positive general sentiment is usually like an avalanche; its very difficult to stop this avalanche of public sentiments. As proven in the very negative public sentiment toward the PAP during the General Elections earlier this year, or the perpetual dismissal of local football by the general public. Even positive sentiments like Obama's first presidential election, where he ride this unstoppable wave of positive sentiment to become the first black president of the United States of America.

Usually sentiments are not a result of facts; but a result of how well the organisation or the system behind the subject matter is doing.

Example, during Nazi times, because of how well the Nazi Party and Hitler branded themselves, gave the promise of hope and greater germany - giving back the pride and confidence that was totally destroyed during the first world war... Even the outrageous acts by the Nazis are subdued and even accepted: all because the general sentiment towards the Nazis by the German ppl are really positive and high.

Another example closer to home, is the Football Association of Singapore and the Singapore Sports Council's running of local football. The amount of barriers, obstacles and over-kill control over the country's top sport causes unrest and the politics behind the curtains basically quietly killed the sport in Singapore. But no one knows the facts, but everyone can feel the atmosphere and see the result - thus the extremely poor sentiment among the general public.

Moral of the Story:
If you find yourself fighting all the time to stop ppl from having a certain sentiment (negative or positive) - then they are probably right because the system/organisation behind the problem is definitely screwed up.

Disturbed.

2011-08-04T20:17:00.000+08:00

A disturbing aura feels the air, lingering scent of trouble perpertrates the daily waking hours. Trickles of the sand of time had past, beyond the sense of when it all begun; the disturbed sense just kept the protangonist on edge and unsettled.

Compounded by or resulted by the uncertainty of running of business that eats discipline for lunch; often starve in the drought of mingji-sleeping-or-moodlessness... The One really wonders whats haunting. Looking up into the ceiling of that grey-red walled room... the atmosphere, the mood, the feel: nothing makes sense. Something's amiss. Mingji is lost.

One matter of certainty is that, its not really the occupation nor the work thats dragging the destiny's leg across the life's Gobi desert. It's simply how you suddenly one day realize that, the scent in the air is different; the colour of the sky is always grey; the days just passes by uneventfully, at times unmeaningfully. Its like the fengshui is wrong, the spocks are jammed with dried lubricants, and the rice in the ricecooker turns purple. My life, just somehow resembles that bread that turned rainbow colour.

Everyday, facing the same problem; the conversations, always the same concerns; the actions, always the same inactions; my stomach, always growing endless. Even the coveted weekends are senseless. I no longer seemed to see how i got here and where i'm heading. Just a chill, a jog, a thrill - all seemed to no longer fill nor feel.

Last night, thru a hypnotherapy relaxation thingy on my ipad app; that guy's low pitch hypno speech, actually did help my insomniac nightly routine halt its ground. Dutifully, relaxed upon his incessant repetition of the word "relax" ; i finally concussed like no tomorrow. And indeed, like what he told my subconscious, i did wake up without much aches nor stress. I did see the world in a differing perspective than before i slept. Laying back on my bed, even the ceiling starts to look like what it used to be.

Exhale... And even the exodus of my warm breath felt correct and totally me. Or rather, the old me. ( since me is still me, even its a changed me or a new me, changed from the newer me to the old me which is now a new me - its still me )

Suddenly, the wrongs are now wrong. And that the rightful stands not the wrong that was once righted as not wrong, or less wrong. And wrongful wrongs can no longer be seen as rightable and thus its feels really wrong viewing how the wrongs is now wrong. Repeating the word wrong even makes the spelling of wrong seems wrong.

Am i still me. The rejuvenated me of old ask me. Me can't answer me what me dare not diverge from the path or decisions or relentativities me took thus far.

Its like the old you, came into the future a few years later, looking at yourself of the future, and quipped, "what the fuck happened to you... Or me?". Answer not i could where any answer do answer no justice of what answers are meant to be. Am i giving in too much? Am i asserting too little. Am i breaking free to little? Or had i broke free too much?

The capriciousness of my destiny retains its sense of humour; perhaps its just humoring me. Again, every mirror and reflective surface i passed by today, just reminded me how far i've come - how far OFF i am. Recognise not the mingji i see in the other side. Exclamation of CHANGE is overused and overly betrayed.

I just gonna do whats right from now on. One act at a time.

Nothing in my way.

2011-07-15T19:00:00.002+08:00

"Nothing In My Way"
by Keane

A turning tide
Lovers at a great divide
why d'you laugh
When I know that you hurt inside?

And why d'you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say?
And why d'you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

A tell-tale sign
You don't know where to draw the line

And why d'you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say
And why d'you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

Well for a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time

For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time

---

I just happen to listen to songs from FIFA07... then bump into this song.

Then I find the lyrics, then realised what it actually meant.... So apt a song if I got reminded abt someone... =\

Whatever.

13 months and counting...

2011-07-11T17:35:00.002+08:00

HAPPY WURVE DAY MONTHNNIVERSARY! (13th!)

Sleepless.

2011-07-09T05:53:00.001+08:00

Its nearing dawn, and i'm still up... Getting more awake by the min...

The thought of unfinished business at work just kept me awake while my conscious mind understood the futility of simply keeping awake for no good reason...

As the hours past, my thoughts strayed upon the forbidden past: the image of her appeared. The sound and vision the final standoff, the blame she put upon me of her misery at work, the apex of bliss before she flew to china right after we patched... All those memories flushed in...

In truth, could anything have been different? ......

The wound never healed.... Its like a cut that can never recover, bleeding from day to day. I drop upon her post-break-up blog, read again those words of anger and hatred; the irresponsible words that binds me to her plight where the root was once the best way out of her other plight of yester year... Isnt it your father whom is the real culprit? Why is your antidote and escape from your daily drag be created from demonising me?

Perhaps, its just easier to blame someone whom is already out of her life.... Someone whom is easy to blame and make a story out of.... Someone whom she already gotten everything he can possibly give.... ...and why not, she can save abt 75 dollars per month on her yoga fee ( and i still got 6 months to go ) because this idiot call mingji signed it up for her with his credit card while knowing that its a huge risk given that they are no longer together. Yet this idiot did it.

I never forget how her best friend milie could shut me out on facebook, like as if i did heinous sins against yinshan. I can never forget how much struggle i have to go thru in my new relationship then while coping with the total loss of someone whom had been so dear to me for so long....

Sadly, until today, going to 2 years since the break up, i'm still struggling to pick myself up and move on without any stigma... I appreciates how my current gf is trying to keep faith and supports me, but this battle can only be fought and conquered from within.

The feeling of betrayal and disappointment, upon the huge amount of disbelief in how she can filter her memories to totally forget the things i did for her - still persist and fail to fade.

I suspect, there's a inner psychology within me, undetected, unconsciously stopping me from going beyond my current plight and from achieving the success i'm soughting after. I believe this inner psychological problem is a direct result from the damage and trauma i received from my messed up business with her, and that resultant as mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Honestly, what else can do? I really need my blog to be my blog. I need to vent and say the words from my heart to keep me sane.

Abuthen, why i am repeating myself where the content is probably already mentioned somewhere in the blog's archives...

I just want my peace, my soul to return, and a hug.

Felt better already. ={

The Pillar Call "Success".

2011-07-07T22:10:00.000+08:00

Within my theory of the pillars of life, one of it which i'm pursuing to improve is the pillar of success or achievement. It refers to anything from achievement in your career, sports or your hobby... The one thing that keeps you sane, giving you the sense of importance, and even self-confidence.

Lately while endlessly scrutinising myself, my thoughts, and my actions, i noticed someting striking: one can actually keep this pillar "satisfied" or "keep from being empty" by achievements from gaming. Yeap, gaming.

This revelation is important. Because this is exactly the reason why zai nan can ever exist; this is why gamers are usually very satisfied with life with rather low expectations in themselves abt success in life; and perhaps the reason why, despite low on success on my career front, motivational energy is found wanting - it could be because i had been fulfilling that minimal quota in my routine Fifa or even facebook gaming sessions.

Every psuedo-success with achieve in gaming, satisfies a little of what we required to keep us sane from depression and outrage from lack of it in reality. Its basically the same psuedo achievements hooligans and gangters get from their presumption of territorial dominance and imaginary high ladder standing among society ( despite they are usually really at the bottom ).

How do you garner enough motivation, anger, desire and drive when you are already satisfied if not drunk from the psuedo achievements in games... The answer, you rarely could. Because psycologically, we will be at a comfort level, the heart will become complacent and the spirit will relent to failure or being short from whats intended.

Just like how spending money on assessment books makes yourself believe you are moving a step toward being more prepared for exam; buying low fat dairy products let you think you are going to become thinner because your consumption of it; buying that very expensive branded shirt makes you a richer and smarter looking guy. The truth, these are all pseudo progress.

All such delusions will eventually fade away very quickly like a mirage when a trigger is pushed to bring you back to reality. Just like my own experience, after a night of amazing football with real madrid... staring at the computer after a late noon dawn in the day, facing the distinct difficulty in the road to success: reality will give a big tight slap and wake you to a nightmare of non-progress.

Successful people usualy tend to be very focus individuals; full heartedly devoting all of their life into their work: just like how we tries nonstop to level up in our games, to perfect that combo or special move - these real life counterpart simply do the same thing in their real work rpg.... Just that they play themselves...

I for one... Is gonna cut down drastically on my gaming...

Until i'm really ready to afford that luxury of some virtual success.

Everything counts.

Death of Social Media. | Return of Blogging | Going Deeper

2011-07-06T14:46:00.000+08:00

For friends whom had been attentively following my blog, you would have clearly noticed that I had reduced my blogging drastically... Of course, without question, its a result of the "micro-blogging" on Facebook.

Using facebook is similar to blogging, just that, what you are doing is micro-blogging (actual terminology for it); same as twitter. You are telling the world your thoughts, but in a very short sentence - thus, micro-blogging.

But the explosion of egoistic-self-expression on the online world - on foursquare, facebook, twitter, facebook-places, social media games, etc... ...is bringing upon an exhaustion.

We used to want to express ourselves and be heard. We have this innate need for self-expression. Social media gave us this power. But like eating too much sweet or salt, this is bring about a revulsion. We expose our true identity, shooting whatever rubbish we want to say, getting owned by what we say because we arent politically correct and the lost of ability to trace back "history"...

Honestly, I'm really exhausted with self-expression. To the point where, being a designer, you always have this need and want to express ourselves thru our designs and artwork; and make a statement - "Yo! Looks, this is what I did and thousands of people sees it and use it." ....its a really egoistic self indulging career of self-delusion.

Perhaps is the reason, I'm losing interest in simply doing designs and artwork.... I dun really feel that kind of satisfaction anymore. Like micro-blogging, it really takes too little thought and thinking; too shallow.

In a blog, you are literally writing compositions (something i dun really like during sec sch days); but it allows you to think deeper, talk to yourself, ask tough question and give serious answers. The short burst of random thoughts are killers of creativity and serious philosophical exercise. At times, when I look back at the blog posts I made in the past; I wondered if i can still write in the same poetic charm as before.

Facebook and the rest of the social media stack have its benefit on the world; it basically changed the world (especially in political realms in Middle East, as well as at home in Singapore). But perhaps, its time that we should cut down on it, and get a little deeper.

The "Party" which we call Facebook is no longer "Cool" (you would understand if you watched "The Social Network"). Its way too commercialised now; too compromised honestly.

I'm back for blogging.

For good.

Lesson of the past year.

2011-07-06T14:19:00.001+08:00

After just over a year doing my work at Joji fulltime, going thru up the up and downs; especially the false-ups; there a few lesson in Entrepreneurship that I would like to share.

If you, dear visitor of Capricious Destiny, intend to start a business, do note this few tips I gonna share with you:

1) Have enough savings to feed you for at least half a year.
- No joke. It could really take that long to earn your first dollar if you arent careful. I personally didnt earn enough to feed myself until the 6-7th month in business...

2) Decide if you want to bootstrap while working or go fulltime.
- In business, many a time, your business dealings will happen during office hours; which make running a business alongside your daytime work very difficult to juggle. If you 2 both at the same time, you may take an extremely long time to grow your business to a point where you can quit your day job. But fulltime will make you risk the stability of a comfortable life to one of a roller coaster ride.

3) Discipline and Motivation.
- Honestly, the hardest thing to conquer for me is to garner enough discipline everyday to keep it tight, and work to my max possible capability. Most of the time, I fall short. And when things didnt work out often enough, your motivation will start to falter... and then you get a crisis at hand. No motivation = even less discipline. I'm going thru this shit now. Its very very tough.

4) Never, I repeat, Never trust "employees" (clients).
- In my dealings with various different clients; the most difficult is to work with "employees". Because they themselves have their own deep hierachical problems within their own organisation; and often, they are stuck in the middle trying to get stuff from us and trying to please their boss. And they will make hell of you as you can never please everyone. As a result, read the next point:

5) MUST get your clients to sign contracts with term and conditions that will protect you from all possible damages and harm.
- Basically make yourself totally immune to any blame your client would throw at you. Remember, you can do your best, that doesnt mean you will be able to please your client. End up, your client may screw up internally, and they can lay the blame on you. Protect yourself with clear term and condition with legal terminology. I may be dead by now if not for my very comprehensive term and conditions in my contracts.

6) Finally, get leverage.
- At the moment, I'm a one man show. And for that, comes hell lot of problem. Because you only have one brain, 24hours, and one body. You can only focus one thing at a time; meet one client at a time, spend time to go from one place to another; takes even more time to switch from business to design and design to business; or even from one project to another. Its relentless and not productive.

I used to partner with Josh, but it didnt worked out because our roles are not set clear enough plus technical problems. Its actually pretty important to have one guy focus on business, sale and account management while the other guy focus on the design (or any other shit you are going to do). Because the design guy can just focus on design; there will be little "lag time"; and the other guy can be spared from changing gear and keep to finding more clients to grow the business. At the moment, without a partner, I'm still unable to get out of this vicious cycle just yet...

Leverage can also be collaboration with others; if you have no employees, your collaborators might have. Maybe you can work something out from there.

---

But ultimately, never give up. Most of the time, just when you are upon the point of breakdown, to give up; the rainbow is likely to be just around the corner.

Never give up.

What a man should be.

2011-07-04T00:03:00.000+08:00

Events that had happened lately dawn on me,... Or rather reinforced what i already knew:

Success is impetus to the male side of the human race. In particular, the resource of money.

Its evident that, regardless how much you give in to your female partner, hw much sacrifice you took or intend to take.... Will never be adequate cover to the lack of financial capability; in another word, business achievement in my sense of the reality.

Thus in contrast of the time made to spend more time with the gf, sacrificing time where you can or should be spent on work or self cultivation ( motivation and improvement ) is in certain extend a mistake, and a break of principle of life.

Life should always be centred around a set of well founded principles, just like a successful country is always based around a set of robust laws and constitution. Everytime we break the law or give in to temptations, its like the police taking bribes and officials get corrupted. And what you get as a result will be less than satisfactory state of affair.

Probably, this scenario stays true on an individual level. If one do not keep to a strict set of well defined and founded principles, things will start to slowly unrevel, and slowly accumulate to a moment in time where things seems extremely sticky and difficult to make right.

For my case, i placed gf number one over my business, where i should focus way more on self and business. I love my gf, but if i had disciplined myself to take that responsibility to say that difficult "no", perhaps things will be so much better today. I have to take that responsible to make the difficult choices so that my gf will one day have a better and happier life.

I did not quit the army just to fail and falter. I quit the army to succeed and make a difference.

I'm not about to quit.

I will not quit.

I am god.

Successful projects are lead by great visions - not tyrants.

2011-03-30T15:38:00.000+08:00

A response to this article: Why People-Powered Projects Are Ruled by Tyrants - http://www.wired.com/magazine/2011/02/st_essay_assange/

Actually, because "democracy" leads to infighting; projects that are successful are often born of the vision of one or a few individual. These few individuals gives "power" and "freedom" to the masses where themselves continues to steers and control the "rules" to make sure its going the right way.

Facebook would become MySpace if you give ppl unlimited freedom. Wikipedia will lose its credibility as an encyclopedia.

So rather than saying it ruled by Tyrants, its more like "guided by the vision set forth by the creator; with rules/limitations set to keep the entire project in the right direction to create the desired outcome".

=}

--extended response as continued--

Living in Singapore, there is nothing more apt than using my country's history and personality as an example.

The best example would be Mr Lee Kuan Yew, Minister Mentor of Singapore, the former Prime Minister whom led Singapore from a 3rd world nation without any natural resources, to one of the most vibrant nation in Asia.

He is definitely in all aspects and perspectives, a Tyrant/Dictator; BUT, he is guided by a vision, a philosophy and a strong conviction. It is thus, this vision, philosophy and conviction that path the way for Singapore to what it is today.

The vision that the entire stretch of the west coast be used as the port of Singapore - Jurong Port. A vision so ambitious and ahead of its time, many detractors laughed it off as a joke in the beginning - until the groundwork began that people realised its going to happen.

It is also his principle that Singapore will not have a National Airline just for the sake of having a National Airline, survived by Ego and Pride. SIA began right at the beginning as a profit driven airline, and takes drastic steps to differentiate and became the top airline in the world.

He also credited for making Singapore a "Garden City"; a result of his vision of a green city, with plants planted everywhere, along the roads; importing of new species of trees and flowers that fits Singapore's climate and etc... Not to mention his investment into the cleanliness of the country which became the hallmark and the most remembered aspect of Singapore.

"Tyrant", in the form of the article, isn't always bad. But tyrants without visions and guiding principles are the ones that we should be worried about. As far as the history had shown: Tyrants without vision, without principles, without an ambition of greatness/benevolence will go nowhere; failure and infamy beckons.

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 8

2011-03-08T15:06:00.000+08:00

Today is the final day in Phuket.

The moment we wake up, its already somewhat a slow hurry to pack up everything and get ready for check out...

I took the final chance to see at the poolside balcony, enjoying the final bottle of beer, enjoying the scenary and the beautiful Phuket sky.

When the time is up to check out, I made a call to the reception to ask for transport for our check out (remember, its a hillside... cant expect us to carry the luggage down the "hill"). So we continued to do our final packing - tada, within 5 min, the buggy is already outside our door liaoz... So fast... End up, we rush thru our final packing, final check and bailed out!

While we rest at the lobby after doing the final payments, Pao Pao went to the toilet to do up her make up - and she met the distasteful french aunties whom in the attempt to not waste the hair spray (and we talk abt kiasu singaporeans...), spread the entire bottle on their hair. Pao Pao end up just use her own small mirror to do her make up; then still kena "diao" by them. LOL~ Pao Pao damn pissed... The best part? When they walked out and Pao Pao point to me those aunties - wah piang, the hair is freaking messy and ugly loh~ LOL!!!

Anyway, we proceeded to Orchid restaurant for our final lunch - hoping to at least end our final day in Phuket with nice thai food. End up not too shabby, especially the 2 SGD morning glory vege in oyster sauce... yum yum! =D

Our plan is to take the SongThaew (land ship - which is a lorry bus) to Phuket Central Festival (the shopping mall) after our lunch (save money) - and spend our afternoon there, perhaps even catch a movie. After that, catch the Airport Bus to the airport (also save money).

But when we were walking down the slope towards the "bus terminal/stop", we saw the songthaew just left... sian diaoz... So we just went there and wait. I went to change some money so we can have enough thai bahts to take the Airport Bus and spend on some other stuffs; and also go toilet. Luckily we moved up the bus early, so we sat all the way to the front, as the trip proved to be a very crowded one.

We finally drop off 200-300 meters away from the Central Festival; Pao Pao went the long way towards to rear to alight. I just pass down the luggage to her and the driver; I myself climb to the front seat and went down from the front. haha! No need to squeeze!

After a difficult and hot journey to the shopping mall; Pao Pao is greeted by hello kitty utensils almost as soon as we entered the mall (not before we went to the toilet to wash up). Its really cheap, so Pao Pao bought a few home. But because we missed a bus (which will cost us 30-40 mins - yah thats how long we waited), the afternoon is only around 3 hrs left... So we spend the time window shopping: do little bit of shopping, visit the Manchester United Shop, eat the very cheap and tasty Jap Restaurant (forgot name) with the tasty Fried Rice and Braised Duck Ramen!

At 5pm, its time for us to go... We went to the bus stop just outside Central Festival (its good to be a Topo king), and waited for the Airport Bus. While we wait, Pao Pao is amused/disturbed by a Singaporean guy, carrying very little things, chatting with a Thai woman about how good he is, coming to phuket alone, only bring one set of clothes which he wash every night and wear the next day, etc... =x

Then after around an hour ride, thru the towns and forest/jungle, we finally arrived at the Phuket International Airport. We explored a bit thru the not very big airport, checked where to check in our luggage, went to the Thai Restaurant (said to be the only place worth the money and yet cheap & very tasty food). Pao Pao ordered her Phad Thai, which finally satisfied her taste bud for good Phad Thai.

After our final meal in Thailand, we moved on to the Terminal 2 to check in our luggage and entered the custom. After a long wait (the flight was delayed 45 mins because of late arrival), we finally boarded the flight home.

No, the story didnt end here... I havent mentioned the excruciating flight on board an old Valuair plane (which Jetstar bought over I guess), giving me terrible headache and earache. I was feeling extremely sick and terrible the whole flight; not even gaming on PSP helps... Finally Pao Pao woke up from her sleep to sayang me and tell me to eat my mentos... I promptly finished the entire row of it (yah, no joke), popping one after another in 3-5 mins interval... Luckily that was enough to last me till we are above Singapore airspace... The lower altitude helps...

After we alighted, in the transit area, I wanted to go visit the FIFA shop, which I'm dying to visit every since I know about its existence. Of course in the middle of the night at 1am+, there arent really any shop open lah~ haha. But I just want to visit. So we took the monorail to Terminal 3 transit and checked out the transit hall there. We visited the butterfly garden, and enjoyed the greatly needed foot massage on OSIM foot massaging machines. After rejuvenated, we continue to explore to find the elusive FIFA shop. After we reach the other end of the hall, it dawns on us that: FIFA shop dao liaoz... (closed down already) LOL!

So we stroll back to the other end, took the final monorail before their maintainence, to Terminal 1, pick up our luggage and exited Changi Airport.

No, the story havent end yet. LOL!

When we reached the taxi stand, its horrifying to see there is no taxi waiting. But it was a false alarm as taxis almost immediately appear when we reach the taxi stand. Then I noticed the 3rd taxi is the newer automatic transmission taxi, so I decided to take the 4th one (its way faster than the old one). Before us were 2 other passengers, so they took the 1st and 2nd. The 3rd is guided to the first taxi parking space, I led Pao Pao straight to the last one and hop into the taxi of choice. The driver of the first taxi came out and screamed at the usher for not guiding us to his taxi! LOL! Feel so bad and evil~ haha

A nice chat with honest taxi driver and a smooth ride, I'm finally home sweet home.

yeah!

The End. =P

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 7

2011-03-07T04:55:00.003+08:00

Its finally Day 7, 6th of March 2011, and I'm so 28 now...

So its another day of missing the breakfast - but in turn I got Pao Pao making me coffee and cutting me a slice of the birthday cake - BREAKFAST IN BED! YEAH! =D (Heard that she woke up early again this morning, so she already spent some time sitting at the "balcony/poolside" and read her book"). After finish my breakfast and washed up, Pao Pao requested to allow her time to finish her book before we go for lunch - and why not? Since I hardly touched my book at all, all trip.

Today is yet another "blank" day that we can fill it up with whatever things we would want to do. Original plans to beach in the morning is ruin by the ridiculous movie by Jay Chou (Treasure Hunter). So anyway, we decided to skip the beach towns altogether since we already had enough of it the past week. So we decided to try taking the "bus" (which is actually a modified lorry) to Phuket Town for the night market.

But before we can start traveling there, we finally heads out for lunch with our, again, very hungry stomach. The disasters of eating overpriced and below-par foods had made us decide to eat at Orchid restaurant, as its already "eaten and proven" to be very nice. Pao Pao ordered Tom Yam (orange colour one) while I order Morning Glory in Oyster sauce, Pork in something (i cant remember) and Pineapple Rice (probably my 5th pineapple rice in this trip). And darn its good! =D

We then walk over to the "bus terminal" under that stupid Phuket sun and to realise that the bus left 10 mins ago and the next bus is only going to come 30 mins later. But since we are on budget now, we just went to buy ice cream to eat (Pao Pao's Padapop and my Magnum). We then rest our over-ate stomach and stare at the bus under the shade. Finally, the bus is moving off and we go on...

The bus is freaking slow along Kata-Karon.... Its almost like riding the old Monorail on Sentosa.... Although finally it picked up speed after it turns out of the tourist zones... After a long long ride around a mountain, we finally arrived at the Night Market.

Then we started our "rounding" around the mazey Night Market (a Pasar Malam). Buy this and that, this and that. And finally, I drank the Thai Ice Tea which Pao Pao raved about the entire trip for only 20 baht (we bought it twice at different interval), 2 baht per piece cream-waffle-minipancake, and the other super Pao Pao raved food item - the coconut ice-cream (its really good too!!!). Then it started drizzling, and did at least cool down the temperature a bit in that crowded and stuffy place.

After the night market, we walk over to the nearby shopping center of Central Festival. We shocked ourselves first when Pao Pao actually found very cheap Hello Kitty plates and bowls to buy at the shopping centre (we already on budget plus we expect shopping centres to be expensive). We then shocked ourselves again when we ate at a Japanese Restaurant (Fuji Restaurant) which is also quite cheap! Cheaper and nicer than those shitty Mama and Mali rubbish. After dinner, we went down to see the coup de grace for Liverpool's trashing of Manchester United (FT: 3-1); the last 10 mins.

We finally ended our field day with a 450 baht taxi ride (for info, in Phuket, anyone can just drive their own car and call it a taxi) back to Kata. Pao Pao then proceeds for a foot massage while I go to the Black Canyon Coffee to watch Tottenham and Wolves play to a 2-2 draw at HT with fake Elvis Presleys singing to swedish folks. At 12midnight plus, I picked up Pao Pao and went back to hotel.

Not too bad a day lah... And I finished the Heineken to my relieve~ heehee

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 6

2011-03-07T04:50:00.000+08:00

Wake up at 6.10 thanks to MJ's phone
Go to a beautiful private condo to get into our boat
Very experienced ang moh guide
Snorkeled
Ate nice Ang Moh food
Came back around afternoon
Decide not to go Phuket Town (save money)
Go down eat Ma Ma restaurant - fake deep fried fish
Go Aroma Massage and then go Thai Facial
Then went to drink Thai Ice Tea at Black Canyon Coffee and listen/watch Elvis Presleys
Went back to hotel watched the crappy Treasure Hunter with ridiculous subtitles.
Sleep.

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 5

2011-03-07T04:47:00.001+08:00

(belated posting)

Today is day 5.

I'm still feeling a bit sick from the over-eating... But nevertheless, today we try to make it a point to wake up earlier to catch the breakfast. And alas, we finally appear for breakfast at a time where many other hotel guest are also still eating; finally I get to eat the fried egg and the omelette from the "egg station" than to watch them clean up that area~

The other reason we try to wake up earlier today, is to go to the beach in the morning. (which we havent went to the beach in the morning at all yet. We already brought our barang barang along for the breakfast. But after MTV Asia's mandarin songs filled breakfast, we decided to forgo the beach. Firstly, I kindda over-eat again (this time round, not really my fault, but it seems that my appetite had shrunk tremendously after the over-eating). Secondly, by the time we finish eating, its already ard 11am, and the fierce Phuket sun is out in it full fiery again... Very very discouraging.

So we went back to our room. The not feeling so well me drop into bed and rest again. My Pao Pao mean while take out and washed our newly bought snorkeling gears. After that Pao Pao, went to blog about the Day 4 on this blog... While she was blogging, I jumped out of bed, took the snorkeling gear and jumped into to snorkel~ LOL!

So I kindda want to test the snorkeling gear to make sure that its working and also to get used to it. Things went well and I start playing around, pretending i'm some sort of submarine and also to see the underwaterworld in a very interesting perspective (playing with air bubbles).

After when I'm done swimming and snorkeling in the pool, its Pao Pao's turn to test her snorkeling gear and swimming... While she doing her successful testing (in front of some ang mohs) and swimming, I took out the PSP and starting jamming on the DJ Max game... Pao Pao proceeds to bath and prepare for going out and bring me to today's highlight: Dino Park.

We finally set off from our hotel in Kata, to walk to Dino Park. Its quite a long walk you know? Its a bit like walking from Lido to Plaza Singapura, or maybe longer - but understand worse weather and more rural-like environment. But it wasn't very long before finally gets to Dino Park, especially after yesterday's long exploration walk.

We promptly checked into the Dino Golf, and started our 18 hole dino golf course. Its really fun, and out my golf training during the time at V-Golf opening to good use. One curious incident is this uncle from Norway started talking to me about how Golf is picking up in the snowy country 15-16 years ago, and his weird comment about Asians (Koreans, Japanese, Chinese) being increasingly good at golf. I just agreed and said that I'm Singaporean, believing that he is mistaking me for Korean. Anyway, back to the golfing, we took loads of pictures and finally at the last 3 holes, I realised that I had unwittingly missed out the scores for 2 holes. Damn... But anyway, I finally won Pao Pao by around 6-8 strokes. =P

But by the end of the course, we are already starving, on the verge of gastric. We then pondered about eating our dinner at the Dino Park restaurant. Discouraged by the pricing, we did still take picture in a "Flintstone" car there. We then lumbered across the street, considering eating the "2 gays chef restaurant" - but again, the price stumbled us. We then took refuge in another restaurant also just nearby and ordered the food. We are so starving already so we kindda just glad that we are eating. But seriously, its just not that good. The mosquito situation there is also terrible. Must be the Dino Park, they got a lot of potential breeding sites loh...

So after the below par overpriced dinner, we started our long walk back to Kata. In view of the 6.30am pickup for our island hopping on my birthday (tomorrow), we decided we are not going to sleep to late, so must return to hotel earlier than usual. But still, we managed to have a sip and relax at the Tuk Tuk bar beside the Mama Restaurant. I drank Phuket Paradise while Pao Pao drank something. LOL! I forgot!!! Just before we went up, we went to the lobby to rent a DVD - we chose the Jay Chou and Lin Chi Ling movie - "Treasure Hunter".

.....

We finally got back to our hotel room. Then dunno why, Pao Pao seems particularly "sticky" and excited. Then after that I started surfing facebook and reading soccer news using the Apple TV provided by the hotel in the room. Pao Pao then called the hotel lobby requesting for the green blankets that we would require for tomorrow trip.

The first time she called, she told me that its the receptionist got very poor English, totally dunno what we were asking for, and the conversation ended. 5 - 10 mins later (I'm still surfing), Pao Pao called again... Then apparently, the message got thru. So around 10-15mins later, someone knocked and Pao Pao rushed to open the door. Then she closed the door and returned. She say they brought her a knife instead.... ??? =\

Pao Pao then asked me to go to bath first... but I refused, wanting to surfing somemore... Then a while later Pao Pao said she going outside for awhile. ???.... Its really curious, because outside our hotel room (the door), there is nothing to see (no views), nothing to do, she knew no one else, and the lobby is a 5-10 mins walk away... Its ridiculous to want to "go out" and feed mosquito? =X But my thinking pattern is so similar to Pao Pao, and having almost telepathic links with her, I think I knew what was happening, I just told her, "I just read your mind" - She blushed and disappear outside.

At this point I suspected something... So I hunted for the camera and get ready to take picture of her coming in with a cake or something... But she didnt bring in anything... =X So okay loh, since I already kindda suspected something liao. So I better make things easier for her. Haha, so suddenly decide to go to bath. =P

After bath, and came out, she gave a big hug and kiss; on the "table-sofa", there lays a cake, a card and a very familiar cute squirrel-beavel. The Cake is a chocolate coated cake; the card is hand-written and filled with drawings and stickers; the squirrel (which is actually a beavel) is actually a soft toy which I liked a lot when I first saw it many many months ago at PS.

Pao Pao then sang birthday song for me, I made my birthday wishes, blew the candles, cut the cake and kept the cake in the fridge. LOL! (all these are done before 12 midnight. Its still around 11.30pm)

No choice, because need to wake up very early, so we retired early and started my birthday in style. (although by the time I got off the internet, its already past 12)

=P

Thank You Pao Pao for the great birthday present and celebration! =D

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 4

2011-03-03T23:55:00.000+08:00

- By Pao Pao

Baby woke up this morning with a tummy upset and fever (Probably due to overstuffing himself at the Golden Kinnaree Buffet dinner last night), so we went down for a quick breakfast (As usual, we reached at 10.30am on the dot when most of the food had already been kept away. -_-)

Afterwards, I forced Baby to down 2 Panadol Extra and bundled him up in the blankies to sleep. While he was in Lala Land, I had some "Me" time, taking a leisurely dip in our private pool (Relatively private cos' it's shared among 3 units, and most of the time the other occupants are out =X), then lounging in the balcony with Haruki Murakami's "Norwegian Wood" (I absolutly ADORE his works!) and a glass of ice-cold Coke. Life is good. :)

Around 2pm or so, after a quick shower (My Sunplay SPF130 sunblock does a great job, but is unfortunately a PAIN to wash off), I went for a solo walk down Kata beach, exploring the little alleys right down all the way to the Mali restaurant at the beginning of Karon beach. Stupid me forgot to reapply my sunblock, and came back 4 shades darker from that 1 hour expedition. >_<|||

Braving the scorching sun, I bought back lunch from a restaurant near our hotel: Tom Yum Seafood soup with rice, and pork congee, all for only 200 baht! (That's around $8.40, considering how expensive Thai food is back home in Singapore... Average about $10-$15 just for the soup) And I decided to grab ourselves some ice cream... 4 Paddle Pops for only 26 Baht!!! (That's only $0.27 each!!! OMG!!! Incidentally, buying from the regular shops cost so much cheaper than 7-11, which sell each Paddle Pop for 20 Baht each. Daylight robbery. BLAH~)

But anyway, I practically ran back to the hotel room, for fear of the ice cream melting in the crazy midday heat. Surprisingly, Baby was already up and the fever had already subsided. (HOORAY!) After getting the receptionist to send up 2 bowls and cutlery, we dined in the patio, with Baby glued to DJ Max on the PSP, and me recovering from the walk in the scorching sun. Baby's tummy still wasn't feeling too well, so I treated myself to one of the Paddle Pop Fruity ice creams, and I must say, it is HEAVEN to enjoy such a simple delight on a sweltering hot day! =D

After a short rest, we decided to go for a walk towards Karon Circle (It was a freaking LONG walk). But of course, there were several distractions along the way, and I picked up 2 flower hair ties (I've always wanted one of these!) for just 50 Baht each, explored Kata Village, dined at Sea Breeze Restaurant/ Capri (I had the BEST Vongole Linguine EVER!!!), and saw several sky lanterns (天燈[Tian Deng]) floating in the night sky while we were dining.

Of course we couldn't resist.

After dinner, we promptly crossed the street and chose a red heart lantern, then excitedly trotted down toward the beach and released our very first sky lantern. :) It is considered good luck to release a sky lantern, and many Thais believe they are symbolic of problems and worries floating away. And we believe that it symbolizes a wonderful life for the both of us too. :)

Shortly after, we continued walking down towards Karon Circle (By this time, I was severely dehydrated and starting to get cranky =X), so when we finally reached civilization (Karon Plaza), we quickly got a hands on an ice-cold mineral water (20 Baht!) and gulped it down. Rejuvenated, we shopped a little at Karon Plaza and I (finally) got 2 Bikinis and a dress for 400 Baht each. Happy! X)

We then took a Tuk Tuk back to Kata Village (200 Baht, and there was no way we were gonna take another 2 hours to walk back), and treated ourselves to a Thai massage for just 200 Baht each. BLISS BLISS BLISS!!! =D

Our bodies relaxed after a long day, we slipped into dreamland in the hope of waking up in time for breakfast the next morning. (I am writing this entry in retrospect the very next day.) Speaking of which, the bed here is awesome... We wake up every morning with no body aches at all! =D

Ok, that concludes the entry for Day 4... 4 more days left here on this little island Paradise!

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 3

2011-03-02T23:15:00.000+08:00

Today, we decided not to eat breakfast at the hotel (in fact, we didnt even wake up for it).

All geared up for the beach, bringing along all the beach stuffs, we take a walk down Kata to look for our lunch. As we walked, we decided to try the famed Italian restaurant, Capriccio.

We ordered one mushroom pizza with parma ham, cheese sauce spaghetti (formaggio), mussels gratin, pina colada and mango coolers. Perhaps the sight of Asian/Chinese people walking into a Italian restaurant is a very very rare sight in Phuket; the knowledge of how to pronounce Italian (or something like that) and would want to add parma ham to our pizza adds a greater sense of mystery to the Italian owner (a man with typical italian look, italian long pony tail and italian accent).

The food is fantastic, for the first time in my life, I actually enjoy eating clamish food without feeling the "disgusting" clamish taste. The cheese spaghetti is fantastic - the pizza is even more shiok!

After the shiok lunch, we walked to a mini-mart further down to road to get our dessert: Magnum Vanilla and Cornetto Strawberry. The Magnum is only 2SGD loh! =x

By this time, the crazy Phuket sun has waned a bit (by this time, its around 2pm already - i think...), its time to proceed to the beautiful beach of Kata, Phuket.

We brought along 2 green blankets (which is meant for "beach" use, provided by the hotel), our books, a bottle of mineral water, 2 camera water-proof casing, SPF 130 sun blocks, and sun glasses. Once at the beach, we hunted an relatively less crowded place and layed down our "blankets". We then proceeds to put own the sun block and bath under the tropical sun. Its really hot (sweating....).

The lure of the sea seems a little too strong for me (the sun makes a good encouragement), I got and went for the waves... The water is warm and comfortable. The wave generally is more "wavey" than the ones in East Coast Park Singapore - its stronger and with more variations. Sometimes though, can't help to think that this is one of the place that got hit by the Super Tsunami some years ago. To makes things even sweeter, there are 3 "spanish" girls (probably 18?), 2 of them quite pretty, went topless... And then after some observation, then realised the 2 prettier one actually took off the 3rd's underwear.... the 3rd girl then got stranded in the sea while the 2 scrambled for the beach. LOL~

Then I got back up to the seaside, Pao Pao and me then start taking some photos. I also drew the wordings "I WURVE PAO PAO" in the sand. =P

But we can't stay for long as the people from Phuket FantaSea is coming over at 5pm to pick us up. So at around 4pm+, after a final swim (for me), we packed up and proceed back to the hotel. Pao Pao at this moment realised that her decision to ask me not to put sun block at her calf area, is "now paying off". =P

We then came back to the hotel, bathed, cleaned up, and get changed. By the time we are ready, ard 1645h or 1650h, the hotel staff called to inform us that the ferry is here. So zhun, there is buggy just outside our room, when we came out. So we got a ride down the hill without us taking that stupid long route down to the lobby.

Oh yah, I think I havent describe our hotel and the room location. The hotel is call Sugar Palm Grand Hillside. So the word Hillside already tell you that is on the hillside. But because of that, you can really have a elevator to go straight to your floor. And remember hillside is not just vertical, but also stretched out horizontally. So for us, we are at around the 9th floor: we need to take the first elevator to the 4th floor, walk around 20 meters?, take a 2nd elevator to the 9th floor, turn around, walk down a little slope, turn around down the stairs, walk across a "garden" and in front of a Buddha and walk up 2 very steep slopes and then tada! our room. The other way is after getting out from the 2nd elevator, walk down the slight slope, then walk up 2 steep slopes, turn right, go up a flight of stairs, walk across the width the hotel, walk down 2 slopes and TADA, our room. For your info, there is no other faster way except taking the buggy (which is like the buggy you see in the golf course - which is surprisingly powerful, seeing the way it can go up the very steep slopes)

So anyway, back to the story, we got into the van, then started travelling around Kata, Karon, Patong then finally to Kamala (up from the near southern end to the northern end of the island) where the Phuket FantaSea is located.

Phuket FantaSea resembles a lot like Haw Par Villa on the outside; with some "mystical" creature/characters. But once you start to travel in, you will realised that the place is designed a lot for kids (lotsa very very cute character designs). In Haw Par Villa, we see a lot of very good sculptures, but for Phuket FantaSea, what they have is a lot of very beautiful architectures. But under all those beautiful structures are just expensive shops and stores to make you spend more money. LOL! They also got a lot of "games stores" which you play those games like those in a fun fair.

They have this place where they showcase some animals. There is deers, snakes, frogs, pelicans, slow loris and HAMSTERS (syrians)!!! I love the "cage" for the hamsters, really really cute! Its a wonder how the solitary Syrians can stay together in the same cage without fighting. The other animals are more ke lian as they got hardly any space to move about (especially the deers). The main feature though is the 3 white tigers in a white palace they are housed in. The character of the tigers though seemed a lot more like kids than the adult their size suggest. Maybe is because they had always been in captivity since young, so somehow, they never matured?

After exploring the entire place, we proceed to their dining hall for the buffet. The food is not bad, and I over eat myself.... So much so that my stomach want to explode liaoz... After the dinner, we proceed to their theatre (Palace of the Elephant) to watch their main show: “Fantasy Of A Kingdom” Culture-Illusion Show. They are very protective of their IP i think, all cameras and handphones must be kept by them - but I have to say, its really effective. No photos were taken, and I get to enjoy the show properly without the need to keep taking pictures of all the spectacular scenes. (We didnt surrender our camera and phones..... =P - paopao's evil idea...) (pao pao say is just to avoid the long queue... not that she want to steal anything.)

But sure enough, we finally did avoid the need to queue the crazy queue and spent the time saved to buy a souvenir (a pretty elephant plushy!). After some final photo taking, we took the long walk back to the entrance. I was holding 2 balloons that I had gotten at the end of the show, but Pao Pao dun like balloons, but I like, so I decided to give one of the balloon (or both) away to some kids. But all the kids have balloon liao leh... so I gave it to one of the girl staff who were lining up with other to say byebye. We then went to queue for the ferry back to our hotel.

And then, its the long ride back to hotel. We asked the driver to stop along the main street outside our hotel. We went to the convenience store to get tidbit and drinks. We got so many snacks, 2 big bottle of beers and 1 bottle of Ice Lemon Tea - we just pay only 10 SGD +... amazing!

We then haul my overloaded stomach by to the hotel room and had an early night. =P

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 2

2011-03-02T02:39:00.001+08:00

All Geared Up.

- By Pao Pao

It's 1am over here in Sugar Palm Grand Hillside Kata and Baby is proudly trying on his new haul of 3 jerseys and 4 bermudas. ;)

We had a major shopping trip over at Patong today, here's a summary of the things we did:

1030am: Flew down the 6 + 4 elevator levels down to the lobby area for breakfast, and we ended up with the very minimal food left... Phad Thai, Fried rice, croissant, honey stars with milk, bacon and sausages. Food was ok, but we definitely have had better. It's complimentary anyway (included in the hotel stay) so shan't gripe too much.

Stoned around the hotel room for some time after the mega tiring climb up the hillside in the sweltering Thai heat and finally dragged ourselves out of the comfort of our air-conditioned room. Took a Taxi over to Bangla Road, Patong, (400 Baht via Taxi) strolled around for some time before settling down at Sabai Beach Restarant for a sumptuous lunch of Deep Fried Fish (We practically ate the entire fish, bones and all. Erm, except the head and main skeleton), Phad Thai, Pineapple Rice and a jug of Heineken. We had the sand at our feet, the sea right in front of us, and a huge Chang umbrella to shelter us from the scorching sun. =P

With our bellies satisfied, we immediately launched into full SHOPPING mode! Mwarharhar... Grabbed 2 dresses, 2 sarongs (1 for Mommy Lim), 3 jerseys, 4 bermudas, 2 sets of Snorkel gear (Mask + Snorkel - PINK for me, BLUE for Baby) and a 10L Dry Bag... Now we're all set for the beach and island hopping! =D

Of course, besides shopping, we had a Coke Float, Ovaltine Malted Drink, Lemon Sugar Crepe and a Banana Chocolate Crepe. As I type this entry, we are waiting for our room orders to arrive... HUNGRY!!! *tummy growl*

Was having an amazing time at the Simon Cabaret earlier (Lotsa makeup, glitter and terrible lip synching, and surprisingly, a couple of the performers were mega good looking! We even saw one that was tiny and adorable, very rare for a transsexual. Rare that Baby and I agreed on a "good looking" "girl" for once. =X In any case, the show was completely worth the 20 bucks or so per pax that I paid for... Hopefully Fantasea will blow our minds even more tomorrow!

Oh btw, the service at Simon Cabaret was surprisingly EXCELLENT (We had VIP seats), and we even had a "kind" soul (Staff from the Cabaret) who offered to send us back to our hotel without having us fighting with everyone else for a cab. All for just 400 Baht. Oh well, I'm sure they don't earn that much working at the Cabaret, so if a little more extra cash helps, then we're doing him a good deed too. :)

Ok I'm starving and my brain has stopped functioning. Till the next post!

Love,

Pao Pao aka Celliethepink ;)

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 1

2011-03-01T02:49:00.001+08:00

The Phuket Trip was a surprise gift from Pao Pao to me for my birthday and also to celebrate our 1st anniversary of first knowing each other.

We had packed our luggages the day before (including getting my luggage bags back to its rightful owner) and also made final clear up of ham ham's cage and water change for the fish tank. We tried to sleep early, but the excitement and restlessness kept us awake from time to time thru out the night. We originally wanted to bring the BIG luggage de, but Pao Pao forgot and booked the JetSaver Light - so we made do with 2 smaller luggages.

Our flight is at 8am Singapore time (GMT +8) thus we had to wake up at 5.30am and to leave house at 6am. But somehow, we just kindda dilly dally abit, and left house only at 6.25am. The wait for the taxi is excruciating (just opp. my house); Pao Pao decided we should go diagonally to the other side of the road to wait for taxi (as we had already saw many empty taxis past by there). Finally the taxi came (and one came to our original spot also). Off to the Changi Airport Terminal 1.

We originally intended to go in early so we can relax, drink coffee and eat breakfast. But the unexpected delay caused us to be a little wee bit rush. We bought 2 prata sausage from GoGofranks and a cup of milo dinosaur. Then we rush off to the boarding berth (D30) upon hearing the "immediate boarding call" while we collected our food.

So we quickly drink finish the milo dinosaur and entered the boarding area (we secretly kept the 2 prata sausages in the bag... muahahahaa!). And then the usual take photo and entering the plane, and TADA!!! We are in the Jetstar 3K553 bound for Phuket, Thailand!

I am sitting at the window seat while Pao Pao is beside me in the "center" seat. Beside her, is a angmo young guy whom side view looks like Torres~ LOL! So while the plane taxis to the runway, we saw "Torres" took out his Subway to eat, we also decided that is a fantastic time to eat our prata sausage. Damn nice loh!

The flight is pretty good: Pao Pao sleeping on my lap and me also catch up with my sleep....then suddenly, Torres spilled his drink. Kena Pao Pao a bit.. =\ .... then after that the baby behind me keep hitting my chair caused me to wake up. So other than this 2 blips, its pretty good.

Finally we reach the Airport. After check out, use toilet, take maps - we are faced with countless taxi agents trying to get us to take their more expensive taxi. Thanks to Pao Pao's research, we already knew that the taxi by meter is cheaper by quite a bit. So we took the meter taxi.... The cars in Phuket drives so fast, its only when I looked at the speedometer before I knew that we had been travelling on average more than 100 km/h.

Finally, after a probably 45mins ride, we finally when across the entire Phuket Island to reach our hotel, Sugar Palm Grand Hillside Hotel. But as we try to check in, we realised that the room will only be ready at 2pm; we arrived at 10.45am (Thailand Time). While that was happening, I quickly went to NS portal to report about my overseas trip (totally forgot about it, only reminded when I was going thru the custom at Changi Airport. So after using the internet, updating the facebooks, we took a walk around our hotel.

We first went to one of the Orchid restaurants and had one of the most tasty thai food I had ever had. We ordered pineapple chicken, prawn cakes, spicy crab curry with coconut milk and pork fried rice... omg... it was delicious! We also ordered a coconut which is really the freshest and sweetest I had ever tasted. I also ordered coffee to keep myself awake and also a "fail" thai tea to quench our thirst (as the coffee cant really help me remain hydrated under that kindda sun and heat).

After the lunch, we then took a wrong turn and ended up walking up a, in my opinion, 'cui' street. Totally unlike what I was expecting of a tourist spot. Under the disgusting noon powerful want to burn you to death sun, we walk and walk and turn into an alley and leads us to this beautiful beach. The beach is stunning, and every bit "hawaiian" to me. Ang mohs, including topless girls, and long rows of umbrellas and massive number of beach go-ers, we felt happy to be in here! But we are totally not dress for beach, and walking on the sand is very uncomfortable.

We went back to hotel, to escape the crazy sun and we just stone until the hotel staff finally inform us that our room is ready. Our porters took us on a short buggy ride up the hillside hotel's extremely steep slopes. We explored our big hotel room and we unpack our stuffs and jumped into the "littlebit" private pool just outside our room. But the water is too cold, felt soapy and weird... we finally got out, bathed and headed out for Patong.

While we walked down the road in search for Tuk Tuks, we discovered the "touristy" road, which made me felt more "holidayish". We then took the Tuk Tuk to Patong.

At Patong, we walk the shopping malls, which got a bit of the Clarke Quay feel. We then ate Mcdonald's for dinner, trying the family set of Nugget, Chicken Wing/Drum and McChicken. We also bought ice lemon tea and french fries. I think we are most satisfied with the french fries which is salty enough and the ice lemon tea that is sour enough. The Chicken wing just reminds me of A&W chicken wing.

We then explored the famed Patong streets, where all the food, bars, and redlight stuff are... We ate the fantastic Nutella Banana Pancake - which is actually prata+banana+nutella. Can't forget shopping isn't it? Pao Pao bought 2 very pretty bags while I bought a lousy replica of the Chelsea jersey (with Torres and 9 behind - i regretted buying on hindsight though... because there is no Adidas logo!!!).

After exploring one big round, we then settled to watch the A-Go-Go show. On my... pretty girls, wear very little, then strip show... naked pretty girls... Pao Pao beside me though... and then a little bit old auntie performing tricks with her vagina.... erm.....haiz.......still prefer the pretty babes. After that we then look for food and drink to da bao back; we settled for Thai Satay - we bought chicken skin (MUST EAT!!!), chicken heart (VERY NICE!!!), chicken meat and pork meat. We also bought a bottle of Coke from 7-Eleven.

We then took Tuk Tuk back to our hotel. And ended our day with a good bath and me writing this Phuket Trip Diary for Day 1.

Yawn~ Looking forward to tomorrow!

Baby Hamster Joy For CNY? =P

2011-01-28T02:59:00.000+08:00

As of this post, Chanel had been pregnant for around a week or more... Not sure if she is REALLY pregnant, although all the signs say yes...

The father, Thunder is chased out of the home by Chanel (almost killed him). Thunder got wet tail and is quickly treated and now stays alone.

We had been thinking that the 2 ham ham, Dominant Spots... are not Syrian... But as I just did some research, they could actually be Syrian Hamsters. (http://www.hamsterific.com/Varieties.cfm) To be more accurate: Short Hair Black Dominant Spot Syrian Hamster. In addition, most hamsters take care of babies together, mainly except Chinese and Syrian hamsters... In addition, Syrian Hamsters are solitary hamsters... so erm.... might explain the Chanel's super aggresiveness towards Thunder lately...

One thing abt Dominant Spot that I just read, is abt their Lethal Genes. Dominant Spots are one of the only 2 type of Syrians that have lethal genes. This means that approximately one quarter of the unborn pups will die before the birth. Under normal conditions the mother's body would absorb the dead pups, if not, it is likely that the mother will also die. Any surviving hamsters with these genes do not generally show any adverse affects.

So this also means that, Chanel is unlikely to have too many babies; which also explain why Dominant Spots are so expensive... =x (nearly 50 SGD per hamster... yeap we spent nearly 100SGD to buy the 2, excluding the hamster stuffs)

This could also spell the end of Thunder and Chanel living together.... ={

sad...

First post of 2011

2011-01-06T16:23:00.000+08:00

Oops.... i forgot to post on 1 Jan 2011.... =x

Had a half snafu new year eve actually.

Went to StereoLab, didnt do much, then leave liaoz. Go through the massive crowd towards Butter Factory.... But ALL I WANT is to watch Fireworks with Pao Pao.

Nearing midnight, I decided to ditch the other 3 alcohol-crazy butter factory hacking people to watch the fireworks with Paopao... Fortunately, it kindda turned the night around and had a way more happy and romantic night with my love.

Pao Pao and I ended up skipping Butter and just walked around and take pictures around the Fullerton One. But because Pao Pao is very tired already after a very long day (plus not enough sleep)... So we ate Mcdonald's at Boat Quay in front of a very long queue of people waiting for that one Mac's toilet...

=P

Last Day of 2010 | 2011: The Year of Change.

2010-12-31T15:48:00.000+08:00

Today, as usual for every new year eve, I'm sitting at a Starbucks alone, typing away on this blog for my new year eve post.

Yesterday's posts, I talked abt 2010. So today, its should be able 2011, which I dubbed, The Year of Change.

6 months have past for Joji, so beginning from 2011, it should be the beginning of a blossoming venture that had been stale and stucked for too long. It should be now on the upward curve of the "U".

Its also a year of change, for my Pao pao, whom had been somewhat tormented by the lack of freedom and draconian control: should finally become more free and happy: with more smiling on her face.

So, as usual, my new year resolutions:

- Slim down.
- Become fitter.
- Joji to become profitable
- Joji to have a proper office
- Joji to have its first employee
- Get my driving license
- Get a new bicycle
- Organise a party
- Joji to host its first conference (hopefully; however small)
- Clear my debts
- Move Capricious Destiny to limmingji.com (with new design)
- Continue to develop Majulah!

It seems like a long list but I must fulfill all the above! =D

My new year resolutions can no longer like previous years, stucked in inaction and procrastination.

The promise of a new Mingji last year just arent new enough; arent different enough. Perhaps "The Year of Change" can bring about more change; and of course, positively and constructively. =}

Goodbye 2010, thanks for transiting me into a new life. For now, I look forward to the new life and new challenges in 2011. =}

2010 New Year Resolution Review.

2010-12-30T19:39:00.001+08:00

Exercises that I had planned to be done weekly - FAIL

Include new sports into a monthly routine (namely canoe and surfing) - FAIL

Practical stuff like saving money and clearing my bills - FAIL

Financial targets like a 3k per month min. earning - FAIL

Getting a DSLR - FAIL
, a new Laptop - FAIL
, a new compact camera - FAIL
and getting my driving license... - FAIL

.............

tmd.....

Find a True Love with the possibility of a harmonious shared lifestyle, common interests, flawless character and captivating beauty: perfect being. - TADA!!!!

Yeah!!!

Finally, at least I accomplish one.... (although that wasn't EXACTLY a New Year Resolution.....but whatever!!!)

=D

2011 beckons: A look back at 2010.

2010-12-30T19:11:00.001+08:00

Following the Mingji's Capricious Destiny tradition, I make sure that I break that lazy fingers of me and beat that "busy" schedules to blog on the final days of the year.

As always, today's post will be a review on the year 2010, and tomorrow (on New Year's Eve) will be on the Hopes and Resolutions of the new year in 2011.

---

A LOOK BACK AT 2010

Honestly, 2010 is nothing short of EPIC in the calamitous and capricious life of Mingji.

It seen me working inside Canon Singapore, feeling shitty and disconnected with the ppl there (since i'm not exactly "one of them" - not Canon staff), single handledly designed the entire PC and IT SHOW 2010 BTL stuff (which traditionally handled by Agencies), quit Canon to start Joji, false starts, slow starts, arguments, separation to work on Joji alone, struggled thru the final months, and more false starts; not to mentioned emotional traumas, hurt, Chinese New Year visit to Raine's house, hope, met Bubbles, had a wonderful birthday, falling in love with Bubbles, difficult journey to move on from the emotional investment in Raine, almost moved on but then another traumatic experience when Raine found out and betrayed me on the promise to pay her own Yoga fees (which is charged on me card), ultimate showdown, consoling Bubbles, regrow the love with Bubbles, difficult and ridiculous Mother from hell (not my mother), first ever quarrel with an "think-she-know-it-all-and-will-always-be-right-even-she-know-she-is-blatantly-wrong" woman (see previous point), love with Bubbles blossomed, almost fully moved on from the previous relationship and totally in love with Bubbles... Finally got my fish tank (aquarium), had many fishes, many died, got 3 hamsters, the main 2 is Chanel and Thunder, Miu Miu died just after 5 days. Got even closer with my Mother, somewhat created a "habit" or "comfort" to chatting with my Mum, quarreled with my Mum on 2 occasions which I asserted that I'm morally correct and will NOT compromise on that, probably impressed my Mum actually... haha!

Quite a year isnt it (not to mention the difficulty in the pockets by having no stable income)....

In summary

LOVE
I lost a love whom had eventually took me for granted and made used of me when convenient; whom made up stories or perhaps self-brain-washed to make herself seemed the victim to rationalize her selfish acts... But I gain a true love whom stick with me despite me haven't gotten over the ex, stick with me despite I have no financial stability now, and really love me for whom I am even when I gained 1-2 more inches to my waist over the course of the year...

WORK
I quitted an underpaid job to start a business that earns me even less money (at least for now...) but gains me so much more pride, confidence, happiness, and respect. Now, I'm living my dreams to try and fulfilling the reasons for quitting the army.

----

All in all, it was quite a balance year with equal ups and downs. Extraordinary year...

Good bye 2010, I'm already looking forward to 2011: The Year of Change.

R.I.P, Miu Miu

2010-12-24T08:22:00.000+08:00

Miu Miu, my Sapphire hamster had just passed away peacefully (time of death: 1-2 hours ago).
It left in a sleeping position with the eyes closed.

Just 3 hours ago, I unknowingly gave a her a final farewell when I purposefully cover her sick body with the handkerchief as a blanket to keep her warm and comfy.

But just like what I had read online, she passed away after an attack from "Wet Tail" (will die in 12-24 hours). Perhaps she had already contracted the disease (or genetically) when we bought her.

Nevertheless, Pao Pao and me had doted and loved her despite the very short stay with Chanel, Thunder and us. We painstakingly travelled to Serangoon North to look for medicine for her illness despite our very tight schedule yesterday. We bought the medicine, fed her, she was looking find.

But as the night draw near, she starting to feel more lethargic. By the time we were home, she was pretty weak already. Pao pao noticed that Miu Miu have breathing problem, and based on her massive experience with hamsters, she feels that Miu Miu may not get past the next day; I kept my hopes and believed that she would recover. Unfortunately, Pao Pao was right.

Just before Pao Pao go to work, she checked on Miu Miu and realised Miu Miu is motionless and the body is cold. She quickly come in to tell me. I quickly got out of bed and carry her in my hand. The body is cold (still left like 10-20 percent of warmth) and very stiff. But she looks peaceful and the eyes closed... She left peacefully not long after I last sayanged her...

Miu Miu is now buried in one of my flowerpot outside my house under a dunno what plant, beside the chilli plant, in a very short funeral and burying ceremony attended by both Pao Pao and me.

Rest in Peace, Miu Miu.

New Ham Ham Addition: MIU MIU!!!

2010-12-21T10:19:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, me and my Bubbles bought a new hamster~ =P

Oops... (already have 2... still go buy... shake head)

Its a Sapphire Winter White, we now call her "Miu Miu". Its a female hamster. And since our current female Black Dominant WinterWhite is called Chanel - after the branded Chanel, we decide this female should also have a "branded" name. Not much choices really, but her shy and demure character made us agree that Miu Miu would be a suitable name. =}

She havent had a goodnight for her first night in MingjiHome, her shy nature made her really terrified with the older Chanel and Thunder. Extremely defensive, perhaps because of the new environment and the existence of 2 other older hamsters that are bigger than what she ever saw (i guess...).

Chanel is a little too pokey; while Thunder try to comfort Miu Miu, Miu Miu just too frightened... Miu Miu had been squeaking the whole night... The funny thing is at first, both Chanel and Miu Miu was frightened of each other, because Chanel try to subdue Miu Miu, Miu Miu's reaction scares Chanel... But after sometime, Chanel got used to it, and continued to disturb Miu Miu... Thunder probably likes Miu Miu, but Miu Miu wasnt very receptive yesterday...

This morning I carried Miu Miu out and sayang her, after observing for awhile that she is still very frightened. I carried her and she immediately quieten down. So i sayang and comfort her. Then I thought I should bring her see my fish fish at my aquarium. Surprisingly, Miu Miu is actually fascinated by the fishes and stone there.... probably very therapeutic for her... My other 2 hamster TOTALLY not interested with my fish tank loh~....

After a while, I put her back, and rearranged the furniture in the cage again. Now Miu Miu calm down already. And she is pretty much quiet already, and perhaps felt better after a good sleep inside the small corner house. (the adorable thing is that after she first went in, Thunder also go in sleep. Chanel got locked outside... so with Thunder comforting her, Miu Miu finally get to sleep well). Miu Miu continued to sleep even after Thunder went out... So now, Miu Miu seemed to be more rested, calm down a lot already... =}

Hope she can settle in well~ =}

Again, a long time.

2010-12-05T13:04:00.000+08:00

Again, it had been a long time since i last blogged.

Lotsa things happened again, as usual.

A few days back, I had wanted to blog about the need to meditate - get peace and win the inner game as life is getting more and more messed up and blur... but end up, i didnt blog. So now i also a little lost to start.

Few days back, Pao Pao brought me to watch Walking with Dinosaur LIVE! =D

Very cool, get to see dinosaurs walking and behaving very realistically. But during the show, i realised how much i aged and how difficult to start getting excited abt stuff, even if its something that I am really excited and love - dinosaurs.

Last weekend, i also brought my mum to celebrate her birthday and brought her to walk walk at the MBS (marina bay sands).

My company, Joji, website is up, at http://www.joji.com.sg/ - Do check it out!

Ah... wat a stupid and lame post....

A maze of no exits.

2010-10-28T02:30:00.000+08:00

This is my first post on Capricious Destiny blog since the entire saga with my ex, Raine, had blown out of proportion last month...

I had not blogged at all, partly due to my business - Joji, which also took a bad turn in the same month, as Josh opt out...; the other partly due to the fact that censorship had come to existence again on my blog. Freely share not, the speaks of my thoughts and feelings as it might hurt another person just because I articulate a thought that one might not want to hear.

Life cant be more of a mess for me now. No money, business not moving, lifestyle is crap, fitness is gone, discipline in short supple, tummy getting bigger... If not for the fact that I still have a gf whom love me to bits, my life is a zero.

Unwittingly, I was listening and learning to sing this song from the japanese movie "I give my first love to you" by Hirai Ken; despite the movie doesnt really led me to emo about the past, but the song kindda brought me (gradually) to a state of sadness... and to face things, thoughts, emotions, feeling that I had been avoiding as if my life depends on it...

Although, I kindda already taken it as a given that I will probably never be able to get over completely of her, like a maze where there is no exit; the full-commitment toward love that the characters had shown in the movie shed some light to how that 7-8 years of relationship can be smashed into tatters; not that this light is new or unknown of...

Her priorities warped, as daily musings and work troubles ranked higher than what our love can overcome; which on hindsight in my short stint in the "outside" world, very few jobs have little woes... I'm simply an easy target for the job hazards she faced. On my side, my commitment towards her wasn't complete enough as the shadows of the first breakup we had, sipped into the fray the moment the first "dis-commitment" came into existence - and yes, the freaking eyelid surgeries she should never had done.

Although, I have to maintain, that the way she totally did not give a damn about my life after army is still remarkably astonishing; making it difficult to not have assumptions that she did it on purpose to rid me off once my well-paid days are over. And not easy for me to act as if nothing have happen and not react to it.

Haiz... but once loved, always loves. Positive feelings still remains, although the existence of it is no longer of any practical use. The turmoil of simply living takes a toll on everyone. Even the current relationship, can't escape the secular gravity of the need for money and sustenance.

Despite all the hoo-ha and misunderstandings; my anger and disappointment... somehow I still feel sorry to not have left that past relationship as it is - just beautiful and unfortunate but still amicable - than what it is now, totally shattered, unjustified and broken.

The un-amicable "re-ending" had punched a big hole into my life in the past 7-8 years. Suddenly, the memories of my time from the 3rd year poly till the end of my army days became empty and shrouded in total darkness. What was worth reminiscing has now relegated to a series of nightmare-like possibility of me losing my directions - like The One Ring in Lord of the Ring - sinister and mind-bending.

---

My dreams and hopes, once so clear... is now completely misty and blur. Diving, in the process makes you lose your bearings - not to mention all the mishaps thats happening around me. Not too sure if the qualities of me as a person and a character had degraded. Physically, I'm sure to have degraded - reminded everytime i look at the mirror... or simply look down at my stomach.

My fighting spirit is waning...

What I used to think that becoming successful and choosing the perfect gf kindda bullshit is slowly losing its presence in my head. I'm now confused abt what love is all about and detest how narrow-minded love can be. Why can't a person have love of multitude? Do you have only one suit in your closet?

For the first time in my life, I actually kindda hope to have a restart again (or maybe the 2nd time); to go back in time to a certain time to redo everything - correctly. As "politically" incorrect the last sentence is, I no longer want to subject myself to censorship on my personal blog. Facebook, yes. my blog, no.

I'm tired.

My brain is no longer working as clear as I used to when I'm in the army; find it so hard to stand at a distance to look at myself.

Bubbles has found a stable and well-paid job; its time for me to focus on my own life and change myself and adapt to a new mission in life.

I dun want to be subjected to love anymore. I gave love so much and ended up with nothing but empty memories now. I just gonna do what I think is right, and move on.

In the end, my motto still remain relevant: Break Free.

The Wise Giant Tortoise

2010-07-24T09:27:00.001+08:00

Just had another amazing dream... This time round though, i can remember the details pretty clearly; especially the fact that it might actually mean something...

I'm at this house which is supposedly the house of an unknown relative. The house is like my Grandma's HDB house. I dreamt of this place before, but this time round, a big backyard is revealed this time round.

I walked ard the house (the backyard is parallel to the house and saw a lot of animal being reared by this unknown relative. The first i met is one that i had already met the previous dream, a mongoose, which behaves like Snowy (my uncle's poodle) - running up and down the length of the apartment (before i walked to the backyard)

Then I encounter a enormous amount of animals being reared by someone... There are toads, tortoises (which i saw). There is mention of dog and snake, but didnt see.

The reason for me walking out is because they mentioned abt the Toads were unable to live past end of next year despite all the new offsprings because of the climate/weather. The enclosure got one big toad with many other toads of different sizes... including toad eggs (which i didnt really exactly focus much on them... because of what i going to mention after this)

But what standing behind that pond is astounding... In the pond there is already quite a few species of different type of tortoises (i think 4) and standing behind the pond is giant tortoises... one of them especially big...

Somehow, i felt so in awe and respectful towards that giant tortoise that i actually paid my respect to it (but putting my hands together like buddhists and taoists). What surprises me is that, the giant tortoise acknowledges my payment of respect by nodding its head (at this point of time, the tortoise is, of course standing on 4).

Upon seeing that, just to reconfirm what i just saw, I pay my respect again, this time, kowtowing with my knees kneed. Again the tortoise nodded. It then stands up on its hind leg (looking like a macho guy with the front limbs on the side). I kowtowed 2 more times with it acknowledging with the nods... it then walked back into the house (apparently there is a entrance behind it) and it just suddenly got to the toilet in a flash (no one saw how he do it). Anyway, the tortoise isnt going to toilet per se, but just that my grandma used to rear her tortoise in the toilet... so its pretty normal for the tortoise to be in the toilet in my mind.

Then i went in to tell my family abt what i saw, my family also wondering how the tortoise went to the toilet in such a flash. Somehow we were chatting (with that mongoose flying up and down the apartment - dashing not literally flying), then Xiao Qi appeared in my dreams, dunno working as what (a subdued kindda job) with talk abt dunno what bullshit lah...

Then i woke up.

With the dream still fresh in my mind, i wanted to pen it down as well as find out the significance behind all the things i see in my dream. (apparently, the image is so strong, it did not fade away)

SIGNIFICANCE:
(some are definitions are deleted because are not relevant)

Tortoise

To see a tortoise in your dream, symbolizes perseverance, determination, and longevity. You need to take some chances in order to get ahead in life. The opportunities for advancement are opened to you, but you need to take the next step. Alternatively, the tortoise represents the need to be sheltered or protected from life's problems.

Toads

To see a toad in your dream, suggests that you are trying to hide your true Self. You need to let the beauty from within shine through.

Mongoose

To see a mongoose in your dream, suggests that you putting up a defensive wall in an effort to hide your anxieties or shortcomings

Family
To see your own family in your dream, represents security, warmth and love. It could also symbolize bitterness, jealousy, or rivalry, depending on your relationship with your family. Alternatively, it could mean that you are overly dependent on your family, especially if the family members are in your recurring dreams .Consider also the significance of a particular family member or the relationship you have with them.

Childhood Friend
To see your childhood friend in your dream, signifies regression into your past where you had no responsibilities. Things were much simpler and carefree. You may be wanting to escape the pressures and stresses of adulthood. Consider the relationship you had with this friend and the lessons that were learned.

The Walk.

2010-07-05T22:40:00.000+08:00

Maybe its because I went to cut my hair today (back to the army-era short spikey hair), or maybe i'm just plain bo liaoz - I walked home from office today.

Ate my dinner, my mum also already bought her dinner already - no obligations to get home fast; nothing on after work....

As I was walking along the road, I glanced across at look at the modernistic catholic church that resides just beside my office (behind Highland Center)... That long lean road the stretch deep into that mysterious realm of private landed estate, my curiosity came out with a brilliant idea: a way to banish that mystery and to do a walk out without me making an effort to get home, get change and get out again. I decided to walk home.

The walk is really an awe-inspiring experience; a hdb boy whom never grew up in any form of "richness" - private estates; or rather, life in a landed home is a real-life fantasy in my mind. Big gates, spiral steps, stairs to the 2nd floor, balcony, roof top; penthouse.... oh yah, swimming pool. Courtyard and a totally privately owned parking space. Oh my...

The gallery of houses possessed an amazing array of variety. Some just vanilla terrace, others real pretty and modern, some even had super long entrance into the mysterious dark aura which the silhouette of the giant house lies in the background; others, even as lok kok as attap house. I glance into every house that invited me to gaze - look at the lifestyle of a different species of Singaporean, whom are blessed enough to stay in a landed house.

The most remarkable is the family dinner - quite a number of them have their dining table in "al-fresco mode". The entire family - father, mother, children - all sitting together, eating, chatting, with sauce readily available to add spice and sweetness into their evening. Up on the loft, girls (mostly girls) sat at their desk - studying or looking at their laptop; looking up from my perspective, gave me a first hand experience how Romeo might had felt when he gaze up upon his Juliet on her balcony...

The dimly litted streets, interesting night lights, aplenty of vegetations: all made the entire walk a somewhat romantic experience... barring occasional crazy barks from some over-zealous doggies...

I came upon Parry and Rosyth, but they are now jointly called 30 Parry, a gigantic hostel for the army of PRC students... gazing down, I saw my secondary school's old premise where I spent my memorable 4 remarkable years of my life.

The maze I expected never came until the very end of the road where I cant find the way out despite just a house or gate away from the main road (Hougang Ave 3). Of course, you can never get lost in Singapore, can you? I'm out of there and back at where my REAL home lies. A 3-room HDB apartment.

Nah, i'm not jealous nor feeling shitty... I'm just feeling happy somewhat.

Throwing myself into the ocean now, with less than 300 hundred in my pocket, gazing into the unknown of when my next paycheck gonna come - its probably worth it. My desire to step out of my hidden caste as a average middle-class whom get manipulated and push around by those biggies whom made million and billion dollar decisions under the flag of the circular lightning - to finally making my place in society and difference in people's lives...

Like Johnnie always says... "Keep Walking!"

Caprice du Sunday...

2010-07-05T14:38:00.000+08:00

Sunday, July 4th, 2010-- Something is about to change, but you can't quite put your finger on what it is today. Meanwhile, your emotions are raw and you are tired. You're on edge because you cannot express what you feel. Instead of trying to describe your perspective now, keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. If necessary, you can always explain yourself later on.

~Rick Levine, Tarot.com

Uranus' reign is finally over!

2010-05-26T17:54:00.000+08:00

PISCES (reading from Tarot.com)

Thursday, May 27th, 2010-- It's like graduation day for you; after seven years of erratic Uranus in your sign, you are finished studying at the School of Unexpected Changes. Today, Uranus leaves fishy Pisces to enter enterprising Aries and your 2nd House of Self-Worth. You are beginning a long-lasting phase when you can improve your self-esteem and find ways to increase your income. Start by setting new goals at work but remember that the improvements will not happen overnight.

---------

Omg... finally! dammit... really! Tomorrow, will be the end of most of the capric in my Capricious Destiny...

I like what I see: "beginning a long-lasting phase when you can improve your self-esteem and find ways to increase your income"

Its exactly what my life is heading now; For those who bother to read my blog - I'm quitting Angsana Creative / Canon Singapore. My Last Day will be on the week of The PC Show (11 June 2010). From then onwards, I will be officially and fulltime Managing Director of Joji.

And to add more steel into the reading, is the fact that Uranus is entering the Second House :

source: http://www.bobmarksastrologer.com/secondhouse.htm

Uranus in the Second House: Now how do you suppose the planet of crazy and unexpected events will act here? The same way it acts anywhere. People with this placement are frequently self employed or get paid on commission. Those in show business tend to have this one. The money comes in lumps, and then nothing for a while. If you have a "normal" 9-5 job and Uranus in the second house, something always seems to happen to interrupt the income, frequently something crazy. I don’t just mean things like quitting or getting fired (although that tends to occur with greater than normal frequency with this one). I mean things like the company burns down, or the chief financial officer embezzles all the money and runs off to Brazil. The only way to have both a steady income and Uranus in the second house is to work in some high tech or electronic field that Uranus rules.

----------

It is clear that, as the reading of the Uranus goes, I will be committed into going full on my own merits. The time has come to fight the war my destiny brings....

I will take full of the account that working "in some high tech or electronic field" will bring me sustainable success.

The End is Nigh. The Beginning is Nigh too.

>=}

Design.

2010-05-22T22:35:00.000+08:00

As a designer, I pride upon myself for the kind of speed I can complete my work as well the quality that accompanied it.

I once commented that Joshua is like a Bentley luxury car, where its about the details and the depth that put into every single detail - while I'm that Lamborghini/Ferrari that's just pure speed while at the same time, pure quality.

But being a digital media design-trained person; then became going into print after tutelage under Jabez Guo; despite my design is used by one of the biggest company - Canon; my design circulated and view by hundred of thousands of people in just a single IT Show... somehow, that did not really brought much satisfaction as I had preemptively a expected.

Irony isnt it?

Maybe its time to take my design to a higher stage. Now with JOJI (which still have not "Officially" launched), we are handling branding and conceptual stuff... but somehow I think feel that my designs should not be just be viewed.

Kindda have a feeling to go into music, fashion and furniture....

lets see....

Capricious post.

2010-05-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

Its been sometime since I posted my last real post; the truth is i'm too busy; and at the same time, finding it too difficult to put things into words.

The problem with blogging is that its an open diary~ Everyone always hope that ppl around could understand how they feel, what they thinking, and what they concerns and musings are. But on the other side of the same coin, we do not wish to allow some ppl to hear some of our words; and its at this that the traditional diary came out top.

As my destiny is one that wreck with caprice and unpredictability; dilemmas and bad turn plagues my life (probably applies to everyone though). Things that we have control is restricted in control to what we mortally can decide. Things that we decide has tendencies to cause you to decide even more things to our displeasure and to stick to our decisions despite what other from the roadside would say "stupido kid" without much consideration.

Anyway, this blog is post is pretty nonsensical anyway as I not using my brains; me, sitting at the starbucks with my brains switched off; i'm basically cyber mumbling away at my keyboards while a three-quarter sits beside her boyfriend; both looking really not that pei... Not to mention that three quarter just now "viewing" her photo with the entire camera point at my face while i strikes typical Lim Mingji yandao pose~

whatever~ lol!

What life beholds life holds. What we expect, expect not. Live without expectations; move without drag. Think without conventions, fight without bars. I'm not the Mingji of the past; I do not expect anything less now. I expect the Best, the one that Suits me the Most; I want perfection. I won't accept cock ups. From now on, I will make every smooth as that fucking expensive alcohol, as swallowed - burn like hell and blaze like the fireworks; and the success will be dizzy and spectacular.

I do not know what life holds for me for the coming and month and then beyond. I know that I will be free again to chase my dreams. I will have to grab it with both hands and not give up without a mega fight this time round.

For now, i just wants to switch off and relax...

Champions League later.... with the guys. Rooting for Mourinho.

Mingji "Jose" Lim. lol~ sounds weird.

DS MIJI... hmm... DS MINGJI.... yucks.... DS YURI..???? =\
DS MIJI bah~

DS = Designer. just as DJ = Deejay.

tusj tem einna; long as its been - wonder as it always.

[Mood Song] Clazziquai - 빛 (The Light)

2010-05-17T14:43:00.000+08:00

빛

by Clazziquai

when the journey finds the end

어디로 가야할지

너는 혹시나 알까

It's such a tiring game

너와의 기억들은

out of sight

out of mind by now

down the middle

지친 내 몸은

빛 바랜 사진 속에

네게 기대 웃었고

now I dream of you

but I still believe

그저 너를 그리며

웃기도 울기도 하겠지

please take my hand now

if you don't mind

I'd give you my last tear drops

please hold me now

to where else would you go

We may find the light

( × 2 )

wait for me now

if you don't mind

I'll cry out for your heal

please take care now

no matter where you are

we may find the light

[Mood Song] Eminem - Lose Yourself

2010-04-29T12:05:00.001+08:00

Lose Yourself
by Eminem

(Intro)
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

(Verse 1)
Yeah,
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's choking how, everybody's choking now
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that
Easy, no
He won't have it, he knows his whole back's to these ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so stagnant that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo
This whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

(Chorus)
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

(Verse 2)
This soul's escaping, through this hole that is gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is boring, but superstardom's close to post mortem
It only grows harder, homey grows hotter
He blows it's all over, these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the Globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose 'cause here goes the cold water
These hoes don't want him no mo', he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old partner, but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da

(Chorus)
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

(Verse 3)
No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this motherfucking roof off like two dogs caged
I was playing in the beginning, the mood all changed
I been chewed up, and spit out, and booed off stage
But I kept rhyming and stepwritin' the next cypher
Best believe somebody's paying the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the
Fact that I can't get by with my nine to five
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
'Cause man, these Goddamn food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Trying to feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama's screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot or end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's Lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not 'cause maybe the only opportunity that I got

(Chorus)
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

(Outro)
You can do anything you set your mind to, man

[Mood Song] Da Mouth 大嘴巴 - 愛的宣言

2010-04-18T21:21:00.001+08:00

愛的宣言
by Da Mouth 大嘴巴

oh baby 愛的宣言我們大聲的說手hold著手
這星球讓我們用笑聲來推動
oh baby 愛的宣言我們大聲的說你搭著我
每一天讓我們用力愛來感動

oh 愛不是擺在眼前乖乖待在那邊
好多藏起來的角落等著你去發現
有沒有三兩三？是不是上梁山？
是不是忘了自己怎麼順利走到今天 oh

你曾經說過我跟家裡很不熟 hey
你曾經說過我朋友不太多 hey
家裡默默挺你走朋友愛你在尊重
靜下來回個頭看看愛在你的左右

你眼神看著天邊手放口袋裡面
好像 u don't care
噗通噗通左邊 1234567
又浪費了時間 now whachu gonna say
愛就要趕快表現先跨第一步兩邊有了愛的引線
一起點燃的兩邊用力擁抱愛的感覺
adadadadadada 我唱了老半天你手機撥了沒？

hey o ho baby 愛的宣言我們大聲的說手hold著手
這星球讓我們用笑聲來推動
ho baby 愛的宣言我們大聲的說你搭著我
每一天讓我們用力愛來感動

oh 愛不是那麼膚淺打破框架界線
反而長大了變得自我而且敷衍
自己在搧涼扇不如一起搧涼扇
是不是忘了大家都共同生活在這愛的世界

你曾經說過耶？誰跟我不太合
hey 你曾經說我又看不順眼誰hey
被自私打昏了頭
看看他們的心中靜下來回個頭
發現大家愛的溫柔

你只愛自己身邊不容不同的臉
好像 u the one 留下飛翼空間
1234567 屬屬無限世界 now whachu gotta do is
用心讓愛感覺踢掉暴力成見挑戰新的視野
尊重愛的每面享受這個饗宴
adadadadadada 你聽了老半天心門打開了沒？

oh baby 愛的宣言我們大聲的說手hold著手
這星球讓我們用笑聲來推動
oh baby 愛的宣言我們大聲的說你搭著我
每一天讓我們用力愛來感動

oh baby 愛的宣言我們大聲的說手hold著手
這星球讓我們用笑聲來推動
oh baby 愛的宣言我們大聲的說你搭著我
每一天讓我們用力愛來感動

[Movie Review] My Rainy Days - 天使の恋

2010-04-13T12:06:00.001+08:00

***** = 5/5 Popcorn

Yesterday went to watch "My Rainy Days" starring 2 of the main characters from "Handsome Suit"...

Its one of best love movie I had watched; but one that stirs some unexplainable emotions within.

What stirred me the most is how similar the character Kouki is to me. [SPOILER AHEAD] whom got brain tumour and if without surgery, he would be dead; but just as his time isnt far away from ending, he met this extremely pretty and attractive (not to mention super bubbly) girl, Rio.

Kouki is very much a loner (i dun feel that he is a anti-social), anti social due to his imminent death (the lack of the need to pull ppl to feel sad and sorry for him). He just float around, alone, in deep or blank thoughts, expressionless. (very much like me)

Rio fell in love at first sight at his photo and started chasing him vigorously and turn over a new leaf just to be "qualified" to be with him.

Kouki understood that it would be a just a pointless situation tried to avoid but failed to escape from Rio's full-hearted attempt to be with him; causing him to want to live longer.

Interestingly, what happened to Kouki is happening to me now; an interesting coincidence and a food for thought.

Bubbles just appeared out of nowhere, saved me from a lonely birthday and put the (genuine) smile back on my face. Pulling me out of the emo abyss, into the sunlight and blissfulness I'm not sure i'm worthy of...

Kouki's character is much more like who I think I am; sometimes i just think I loses sight of stuff and strayed away from the true self, although my true self may not necessarily by the "best self"... confusing indeed...

Just one step a time ba.

A Bright Future.

2010-04-09T13:39:00.000+08:00

Just went thru a myriad of articles and discussion abt Football Association of Singapore (FAS)'s new 5 year Strategic Plan for Singapore football - finally something that I felt worthy of Singapore and Singaporean.

The hype (media barrage) and excitement from this FAS's plan is reflected upon the timeliness of my own personal plans for the near future. Free from the chain of SAF and a coming to the end of my stay in the "Delighting Land"; opportunities growing from my sponsorship of the design work for Echelon2010 (by Mohan's e27) - things indeed are going my way.

The burning desire in my heart to reach out further and higher; to fulfill my destiny and full potential... I cant even find the right phrase and put to words how excited I am, how hopeful I am, and how ecstatic I am towards this development in my life.

Of course its not all rosy when one wants to scrutinize every single shit that sums up me, but somehow, things had never been better since sec sch days (my success in chinese orchestra).

I can so see the possibilities that lays before me; the sort of opportunities I have to flex my managerial prowess and beyond the ordinary entrepreneurship. Joji despite the less than ideal speed of establishment, is still having the promise of moving forwards and laying the foundations. Seeing the possibilities to change ppl's life and be freaking loud and visible in my advancement - I just cant stop to be excited.

I need to be fast, swift, decisive, wise and potent - all in one swoop.

I not going to slack anymore, not going to slow down anymore, not going to accept anything less, not going to give in to fate anymore; I am my own fate, I make my own path, I am Mingji, I am God (not your Christian god), I will reign!

....and I will not stop until I have changed the world.

Met.

2010-04-09T13:25:00.000+08:00

The Muroidea met the Platyrrhine.

A new era is born.

[Mood Song] The Kooks - Naive

2010-04-07T18:47:00.002+08:00

Naive

by The Kooks

I'm not sayin' it is your fault

Although you could have done more

Oh, You're so naive yet so

How could this be done?

By such a smiling sweetheart

Oh, and your sweet and pretty face

In such an ugly way

Something so beautiful

Oh, that every time I look inside

I know she knows

That I'm not fond of asking

True or false it may be

She's still out to get me

And I know she knows

That I'm not fond of asking

True or false it may be

She's still out to get me

I may say, it was your fault

'Cause I know you could have done more

'Oh, you're so naive yet so

How could this be done

By such a smiling sweetheart

Oh, and your sweet and pretty face

In such an ugly way

Something so beautiful

That every time I look inside

I know she knows

That I'm not fond of asking

True or false it may be

She's still out to get me

I know she knows

That I'm not fond of asking

True or false it may be

She's still out to get me

So, how could this be done

By such a smiling sweetheart?

Oh, you're so naive yet so

Such an ugly thing

Someone so beautiful

That every time your're on his side

I know she knows

That I'm not fond of asking

True or false it maybe

But she's still out to get me

And I know she knows

That I'm not fond of asking

True of false it maybe

But she's still out to get me

Just don't let me down

Hold on to your kite

Just don't let me down

Hold on to your kite

Just don't let me down

Hold on to this kite

Just don't let me down

Double Bind.

2010-04-07T11:37:00.000+08:00

Caught in 2 holes. One foot in the abyss of Lagomorpha and another into the lair of Muroidea.

Perplex-ion...

[Mood Song] The Kooks - She Moves In Her Own Way

2010-04-05T14:07:00.000+08:00

She Moves In Her Own Way by The Kooks

So at my show on Monday
I was told that someday
You'd be on your way to better things
It's not about your make-up
Or how you try to shape up
To these tiresome paper dreams
Paper dreams honey

So now you pour your heart out
You're telling me you're far out
You're all about to lie down for your cause
But you don't pull my strings
Cause I'm a better man
Moving on to better things

But uh oh, I love her because
She moves in her own way
But uh oh, she came to my show
Just to hear about my day

And at the show on Tuesday
She was in her mindset
Tempered firs and spangled boots
Looks are deceiving
Making me believe it
And these tiresome paper dreams
Paper dreams honey, yeah

So won't you go far
Tell me you're a keeper
You're all about to lie down for your cause
But you don't pull my strings because
Cause I'm a better man
Moving on to better things

But uh oh, I love her because
She moves in her own way
But uh oh, she came to my show
Just to hear about my day

Yes our wish's that we never made it
Through all the summers
We kept them up instead of
Kicking us back down to the suburbs
Yes our wish's that we never made it
Through all the summers
We kept them up instead of
Kicking us back down to the suburbs

But uh oh, I love her because
She moves in her own way
But uh oh, she came to my show
Just to hear about my day

But uh oh, I love her because
She moves in her own way
But uh oh, she came to my show
Just to hear about my day

Eagle Eat Snake

2010-03-29T09:49:00.000+08:00

Eagle Eat Snake understands clearly now. Eagle will try to vomit the snake and save the rabbit.

Meow.

Viral vibes...

2010-03-23T15:12:00.000+08:00

Until i'm working at my job here (sitting beside customer service/software support), I never knew how viral mood vibes are.

Customer service and support is one hell of a "literal hell"; where idiots and assholes call to make trouble and shit (baring the fraction of genuine helpless & lost) because of their laziness and unassertiveness; dodgy tendencies towards anything that could prove to be a problem to a 3 year old...

As a result of the existance of these unbelievable ppl, the resulting frustration and patience testing is a virtual part and parcel of this frontline staffs in the battle of post sales support. But sitting so near to them; my lack of natural instinct to kaypoh, being nosey and joining into mundane lame -ve conversations - the "noise" that tainting the air is infecting me with negative vibes.... sabotaging my ability to work.

I'm a mood worker - if i do not have the "right poise", i could stare at the screen for an hour and still do nothing; whereas if i'm in the "groove", my efficiency and speed is just as fast as any other designers out there...

But the negative aura thats poisoning the atmosphere around me is choking me into inaction and inability to have action....

Its really no wonder, i like to blast music while i work and partition my personal realm into a different dimension as the "reality" around me...

Just like this very moment (after being badly wounded by the latest barrage of fuck up calls, despite i'm not the one answering it), i'm depending on Corrinne May and Ryuichi Sakamoto to fill my universe with a different flow of 'chi'.... The music of now just slowly whelming up the space in my little bubble of self sustaining realm; seeping into very little cracks and corners of my vunerable soul...

May music save me; from the negative vibes that plague this world....

5^

2010-03-21T21:14:00.000+08:00

Hi Five!

Why 5? because 5 more than 4, thus its better! =P

"Random"

2010-03-19T14:31:00.000+08:00

Madness in the tower of the south. | Corner of darkness, high beyond the clouds...

Reframed perspective...

2010-03-17T16:06:00.002+08:00

As i jump upon the music of Corrinne May, especially my favourite song of her's, Fly Away; I strange yet familiar feeling start to fill my body and soul...

A sense of "realisation" (not literally) start to unveil that shrouded gaze that i used to have upon the world. The pureness, beautiful, melancholy - an aspiration, an expectation, a hope - that i had for the world that beholds...

The source of my emotional and romantic idealism; the classy white translucent veil that hangs upon every single object of affection; the whole romance of the reasoning to wearing the white wedding gowns for every single beautiful brides; that feeling of hopefulness and indulgence...

its so beyond words, beyond the confines of what English Literature can offer...

in graphical visual term, low saturation, near grayscales, motion visions of white chiffon curtains, gaze with the eyes that hold strength and determination, and among it all, a quiet gentleness and beauty...

A beautiful idealism that had died upon the vain of unrequited love on CHS; the obsession and stupid one sided inactioning affair, all but dulls and washed away this long lost aura...

Although not that love do not exist beyond that ill-fated attempt at over-dreaming...

This song, released in 2001, just nice coincided with one of the lowest point in life; one that i'm drowning in my emotions, inadequateness, and foolish believes that if I "love/think abt" CHS enough, she could feel it... Although the song is abt the parental love with their child, the vibe and feel of the music resonates with my soul...

Perhaps now, could be a right time to re-acquit myself with this beautiful song. For I, and it is, perhaps, a right time to reframe my perspective about everything; to be renew my life, my world.

[Mood Song] Corrinne May - Fly Away

2010-03-17T15:20:00.003+08:00

Fly Away, by Corrinne May

"When will you be home?" she asks
as we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer to where my dreams may lead
She's watched me as i crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds
and yet she says to me

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be prayin every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
SIlver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
"We need you. Please come back"
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be prayin every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
ohh...
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Old tune flowing~

2010-03-17T14:48:00.006+08:00

Just when i was busying myself with the musings online, suddenly an old tune came into my brain.

The song name is called "I need you", by an indie singer called Joyce, or Yan, or her nick "Rocker Chic".

Not very sure when did i first heard abt her... but her song "I need you" captivated me. The style is very much like Corrinne May's music (its no wonder its her fav singer); but its the first time then, for me to experience this style of music.

This song had long burnt into my mind, just like any other famous pop songs that we will remember for eternity; her songs are sitting side by side with other classics that had graced my life.

you can catch her songs here (only 3 here) - http://www.purevolume.com/yan

Do note that she got a part where she is "flat"; but its okay. its still nice!

you can also catch her blog here : http://joycetherockerchic.blogspot.com/

Hope to meet her personally one day. =}

My singing finally got use...

2010-03-13T14:07:00.001+08:00

Yesterday evening, Joo Liang organised a mini meet-up with the DMD clique; Shuwan, Pok Pok, Adrian and me answered the call~

So we when ate at Indulge @ The Cathay... the food wasnt too bad, not too ex, but portion is a bit little.

Then after that we went drinking at Liquid Gold (a pub opp. Paradiz Centre, at Princep Court). Its a KTV pub where you can drink and sing songs for everyone there to listen.

So we order a tower (and then another) at 50 dollars per tower. We chatted, play cards, while i sang songs.

The first song i sang 情书 by Vann Fan Yi Chen. It wasnt really that good (imo) because my voice hadnt open yet... its a song i love a lot, a song that you can sing until cry that type. very touching song...

so whatever...

then i picked 2 songs, which i wait like an hour before it reached me: JJ's 江南 and 害怕.

Beside our table (our table is the last table, nearest to the window) is a table of 3 girls, around 18, whom were celebrating one of the girl's birthday. Then apparently, with my voice already opened due to the singing to other ppl's song, the loud chattering and drinking, i sang very very well (i surprised myself as well, with the high note all hit very easily).

After the last song ended, the next song is Happy Birthday (prior to my singing, i do not know that were celebrating birthday). So the girls brought a cake from behind and presented to the birthday girl. Then out of the sudden, they asked me to sing the happy birthday song for them.

So i sang~ LOL! and that birthday girl kindda blushed~

After that one of them toasted me, which i drank a sip from my cup.

Apparent they arent satisfied with that, after a while, the birthday girl came, and asked if i'm the one who sang the birthday song for her, so she toasted me. But at the point, our beer are finishing already. So i told her but we dun have much beer left, so she took my cup, and refilled it to the brim and toasted me, so i drank another sip while keeping the rest for the games we are playing.

Then after that, i think the birthday girl came again (if i'm not wrong), this time, holding 2 cups (their cups are smaller) of beer and toasted me (empty it). So i of course finish it. The moment i finish it, i crossed that line and got a bit tipsy liao~ LOL!

The interesting thing is that, Celena joined us just when i'm finishing my 2nd song. So her appearance kindda disturb those girls a little. LOL! Heard from celena, the girl in black kept looking at me. Birthday girl also i think (for the first time, my singing got use). Then celena also said one of the girl kindda stared at her (probably wondering if she is my gf) and celena just smile back at her, got her totally confused).

The funny thing is the last toast (empty the cup one), the birthday girl kindda paiseh, she dunno if she should toast celena or not... LOL~

For me, i just enjoy the moment.

Ultimately, they also didnt ask for my number nor i wanted to ask for theirs. Maybe Celena's appearance kindda discouraged them to make any further moves.

They must be having quite an adrenaline rushed (based on my personal experiences), to ask a stranger to drink and such...

But the lighting play to my advantage bah... LOL! if its a white light, and they see my less than perfect figure, they might be sian diao~ LOL!

K la..~ it good and fun while it last. Not to mention I had a superb great time with the boys; where we play "ban luck" with me getting the most "21" points... And Yiyang cracking Joo Liang's cup with his over-excited "DA!"

After that went to watch midnight movie with Celena, we watched Kaiji. Acted by the guy who acted as Yagami Light in Death Note. The movie is okay lah, very exaggerating, and a bit doesnt make sense. 3/5 popcorns for me.

What a fantastic Friday night~ THANKS GOD ITS FRIDAY!!! (now saturday liao though)

愿。

2010-03-11T16:32:00.000+08:00

今日之举，
造后天之终也。

吞痛含泪在今，
愿不导岁月之恨，
终生之悔。

愿上天赐，
对之，幸之，乐之，足之；
强也，能也，行也，过也。

意天之道，
换永恒之美。

Letter to Dear Dear #7

2010-03-09T02:09:00.000+08:00

I suddenly felt like a failure as i continued to view the photos...

I felt like i failed you; i never brought you overseas and to places like Redang... dunno why.. i felt i havent done enough....

feel like crap.

Letter to Dear Dear #6

2010-03-09T02:02:00.002+08:00

You know what I afraid most?

its if one day we patched, and i realised, i no longer recognise you anymore.

You are no longer dear dear.

=~

[Mood Song] Diana Ross - If We Hold On Together.

2010-03-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

Letter to Dear Dear #5

2010-03-09T00:15:00.000+08:00

Just saw the photos of your trip to Malaysia just before my birthday...

I suddenly felt so left out... but perhaps, even if i'm still with you, i'll probably oppose towards the trip.... watever....

still stuck...

haiz...

MARCH 5TH – THE DAY OF HEAVEN AND HELL

2010-02-28T01:33:00.000+08:00

www.freewebs.com/birthdayprofiler

SIGN: 13º-15º Pisces
STRENGTHS: Expressive, Polished, Incisive
WEAKNESSES: Difficult, Temperamental, Suffering

Those born on March 5th usually have two distinct sides to their personalities. To the world they may appear to be debonair and charming, sophisticated, as well as kind and considerate, while inside they are in fact grappling with personal demons. Extremely secretive, they can be quite different people in private and are often prone to expressing dark feelings and emotions.

Productive and creative individuals born on this day are usually able to express both sides of their nature in their work without contradiction or fear of censure. Problems can arise for them in their personal lives which are often not only stormy but sometimes destructive as well. Deep individuals, March 5th people are in touch with the whole spectrum of human emotions which they themselves express at some time or another. They also have a way of bringing out both the best and the worst in others; through piercing insight, those born on this day can expose the weaknesses, deficiencies, and insecurities of others with great impact. This is largely because March 5th mental and emotional sensitivities are equally developed.

Not surprisingly, those born on this day seem to live life more intensely than others. They also remain open to a wider variety of experiences than most people can handle. It is as if the colors on their palette are a little brighter, the highlights and shadows on the canvas more contrasted.

At times March 5th people can be logical and emotionally objective, at others passionate, perhaps irrational, overwhelming people with their intensity – and all this can happen in the short space of a few minutes or seconds! Others may wonders how one person can be so mutable, and adaptable to circumstances.

Because they often have high turnover rates in interpersonal relationships, March 5th people can come to feel somewhat alone in the world. They may even begin to wonder if they will ever find the right person for them. Those that come to realize that it is their own difficult nature that is the source of their dissatisfaction stand a good chance of making needed changes. Such March 5th people can find great joy in simplifying their emotional lives.

Keeping on more even keels and integrating the diverse aspects of their personality are daunting but greatly rewarding tasks for March 5th people. It may be true that the friction generated by their internal struggle fires their creative engine. Therefore, some born on this day may fear that by becoming more regular or normal they will dull their cutting edge. Perhaps it is a question of what value they place on happiness.

Developing a highly attuned awareness of their effects on others is essential for March 5th people. Cultivating the more unselfish sides of their egos and perhaps submitting to some higher spiritual power, focusing on simple acts of kindness in everyday life, makes life easier for themselves and those around them.

HEALTH: Many born on March 5th are subject to dramatic mood swings and emotional fluctuations. They must grapple with negative feelings in particular and learn not to inflict them on those they love. In cultivating personal willpower and self-control they will invariably aid their physical health as well. Usually very opinionated about matters of medical interest or health subjects, those born on this day tend to be hard to advise or convince. Therefore, it is of the greatest importance that they have physicians whom they respect and trust to guide them. March 5th people are no strangers to the pleasures of the table and bed, which though a healthy indication of vitality, must be moderated not only for their sake but for their partners’ also. Severely restricting or eliminating alcohol, nicotine, sugar or other stimulants may be necessary. It is crucial that March 5th people realize that they may in fact have less to fear from the world than from their own defenses. The true danger for them, the one that needs tending to, is often internal.

ADVICE: Regulate your energy – don’t be driven by it. You wag the tail, not the other way around. Keep your priorities straight and be nicer to yourself.

MEDITATION: Most children think they are devils who play at being angels, when very often it is the reverse.

----

credits to Mindy for sending this to me. I'm posting this to celebrate the coming of my birthday, and to let others understand me better.

I'm a very difficult person to understand if you can understand the above. But i'm usually very simple with my objectives and thoughts.

And interesting, my birthday is a day of heaven and hell. No wonder i'm in sync with everything... thus making my life so capricious...

Letter to Dear Dear #4

2010-02-27T15:33:00.000+08:00

hmm... I was thinking; i had never failed to say "I love you" everyday when we were together... =\
and since we weren't, i had almost never fail to think of you; or at least flashes of thoughts of you, everyday.

Nowadays even worse... kept thinking...

Then funny loh... even the March prediction (see previous post) also tell me to stop doing that before i go into depression....

haiz...

Maybe i dun wish to move on.... dun wish to lose someone impt to me.

Lubpyu.

March 2010 predictions for me. freaky.

2010-02-27T15:27:00.001+08:00

PISCES
======
You begin the month sparring with melancholy. Memories of a certain past love will not leave you alone. You are advised to cease feeding into your distress. Don't keep playing the same broken record over and over in your psyche. Regret will only keep you stuck. The more time you spend looking back, the darker grows your mood. Make a commitment to heal and forget all failed relationships. Stressing about them will not make them come back. Although these partnerships did not evolve as you had hoped, take a bit of time to discover what you learned. How have you become wiser? Acknowledge your strengths. Admit your weaknesses. And move on. Brooding only feeds melancholy. What’s more is that all this sulking may blind you from noticing a potential lover in your midst. Get out more. Socialize with friends. Go on the Net. Push yourself to meet new people. Surround yourself with others who share similar interests. Maybe a book club? Or how about signing up for a team sport? The main goal: Distract yourself from your woes. You might even have fun in the process. You have been aching for a change in your work sector for several weeks now. Besides job hunting, look for ways to build expand your skill set. You don’t need to commit to years of schooling. Investigate short-term programs or even just one course that can beef up your qualifications. You are hesitant to spend money on education. Yes, continue being conservative with spending. But, consider furthering your education as an investment. Not a liability. It will benefit you in the long run. In terms of health, your poor tootsies are crying out for attention. Have you ever tried Reflexology? It is the perfect treatment for Pisces. The part of the body ruled by Pisces is the feet. Save yourself a bundle. Look for students studying the art of foot massage. Costs in schools for these kinds of disciplines are usually minimal. Or even better, put Reflexology on your birthday wish list and hang the list (clearly printed) on the refrigerator door.

-----

"You begin the month sparring with melancholy. Memories of a certain past love will not leave you alone. You are advised to cease feeding into your distress. Don't keep playing the same broken record over and over in your psyche. Regret will only keep you stuck."

How they know sia..... =X

----------------

PIG
===
If you thought February was irritating with all the changes you were obliged to confront, wait! March has a plethora of modifications lying in wait for you Pig people. First, about that loan you have been dreaming of getting to make renovations, buy a new car or take a trip somewhere exotic... you might not get it from the bank you have applied to. I have the sense that said bank is not doing as well as their publicity touts.. They are short of cash and can't afford to take a single risk. Go to two or three different banks. Check out their solvency ratings. Steer clear of shaky institutions. Or try credit unions. They have a better record than banks do at this time. A lover or very close friend is in a bit of a scrape over something at work. They are definitely being mistreated. Nothing irks you more than seeing injustice in the workplace. Just remember not to intervene too far. Your honest, innocent help may be viewed as interfering or meddling. Your love life continues to thrive on excess. So long as you are providing the bacon, your sweetie is a happy camper. But in March there could be a lull in the supply of the means necessary to furnish the goods. End of the month of March will bring family concerns to a head. You like to be in charge and aware of what happens in your clan. But now somebody is hiding something from you. Could it be they are protecting you from information they fear will hurt your feelings. Whatever it is, your job is to delve and study the situation (discreetly) until you find the source. When you can see clearly who it is and what they are concealing, you will probably laugh. Because you are sometimes so imperious, they think you won't understand that they are gay or pregnant, having a face lift or divorcing etc. Of course you are more sophisticated than that. Reassure everybody that just because you like to be boss, you are not a mean old Hitler person. You are a kindly Pig.

-----

erm... dun catch the ball for this... =\

Letter to Dear Dear #3

2010-02-26T18:28:00.000+08:00

Ah~! So tired...

IT Show coming, suddenly so many things to do... until i dunno where to start sia... Today Friday, no plans... how i wish i can call you to ask dear dear to go with me....

Today by right got steamboat at my house one... whole family coming... but postponed till tomorrow, spoiling my saturday's plan to do work with josh... so end up, now i nothing to do, tomorrow got to cancel meeting up with josh... schedule all messed up....

haiz... if things are alright, i can imagine us meeting up and go cine to watch movie... then eat fast food for dinner, before going up to buy popcorns and drinks to munch in the cinema.... =~

haiz... meepy....

Letter to Dear Dear #2

2010-02-26T14:42:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, i was introduced by one of my best friend to this incredibly good site on horoscope: http://www.astrology.com.au/compatibility/compatibility.asp

This webpage is abt the compatibility of their horoscope, so obviously, i tested our horoscope and "!!!", its freaking accurate.

PISCES'S VIEW
=============

Pisces + Sagittarius

Water + Fire = Steam

Pisces and Sagittarius have a common planet ruling their star signs: Jupiter. This is fortunate for both of you, because it immediately gives you some understanding of each other. It also means you have similar patterns of thinking.

Pisces also has the strong influence of Neptune, which makes you dreamy, sensitive and mystical. This appeals to the Sagittarian idealism: you both realise there’s a deeper meaning to life. You’ll spend a lot of time tuning into these common interests and building a relationship based on that.

Sagittarius is very fiery and outgoing and will push your easygoing personality to a point where you retaliate. You’re flexible, and you can adjust to your surroundings, but you need to be allowed to dream your dreams and to do things at your own pace. You can’t be pushed.

This is very different from the Sagittarian gung-ho approach. They like to get things done now and put dream into practice rather than just dream them. This different approach could become a sticking point in your relationship. It’s not insurmountable, though.

Astrologically, Pisces refers to the domestic affairs of Sagittarius. Getting together with a Pisces may not appeal to Sagittarius at first. This is because Pisces wants to settle down, create a family and getting on with the job of living a nurturing life.

Sagittarius, on the other hand, is not ready for that so soon. They are outgoing, and love travel. That doesn’t mean they won’t enjoy family life; it just means that they’re not ready to do it yet.

You may be able to quieten their wild and impulsive streak, so that their restlessness is in time replaced by a desire to share a different type of life: your Piscean life, with any luck.

Your sexual and emotional attitudes are very similar, so there’ll be tons of excitement and agreement for both of you. This is a great match, sexually; again, this is because you have Jupiter in common. Bigger is better according to Jupiter, so you’ll both want more and more pleasure.

Jupiter is most strongly aligned with Sagittarians born between 23 November and 1 December. This means that these Sagittarians will have a greater affinity with you than others.

You could also hitch your wagon to a Sagittarian born between 2 December and 11 December. But their hot and fiery temperament might makes things a little too steamy for you. Remember, your Piscean waters will boil over if the Sagittarian gets too hot.

You may have problems with Sagittarians born between 12 December and 21 December, so be sure you’re clear at the start about what you hope for in a relationship with them. This needs discussion: you need to be on the same radar screen as each other about love.

------

SAGI's VIEW
===========

Sagittarius + Pisces

Fire + Water = Steam

Both Sagittarius and Pisces are ruled by Jupiter. This means you have some immediate understanding of each other, and similar ways of thinking.

But Pisces is also strongly influenced by Neptune, which makes them dreamy, sensitive and even mystical. This appeals to your Sagittarian idealism: you both feel there’s a deeper meaning to life. You could spend a lot of time tuning in to these common interests and building your relationship on them.

There are also some significant differences between you. For example, you’re far more fiery and outgoing, and you could sometimes push receptive and easygoing Pisces to the point of retaliation.

Also, Pisces needs time to take in their surroundings, and likes to dream their dreams at their own pace. This is the opposite of your gung-ho approach — you like to get things done now. You’d rather implement dreams than dream them. This difference could be a sticking point in your relationship.

Pisces does relate to the domestic side of Sagittarius, though. This is because Pisces wants to settle into a familiar environment, create a family and get down to the job of living a life that is nurturing.

That’s not to say they won’t enjoy exploring the world with you. The right sort of Pisces will soothe your tempestuous and volatile restlessness and share in the thrill of what you have to offer.

The sexual and emotional aspirations of Sagittarius and Pisces have a lot in common, so there can be some exciting moments for the two of you, both inside and outside the bedroom. Sensually speaking, this is a good match.

You could have very similar interests to Pisces born between 19 February and 28/29 February. These Pisceans have an intuitive streak, so listen to their suggestions when they get a hunch. This can help develop your relationship, believe it or not.

Be on guard when dealing with Pisces born between 1 March and 10 March — their overemotional sensitivity can create disturbances for you. They are finicky about the way you should save or spend your money. Being as free and easy as you are, this won’t be easy to adjust to.

You’ll love mixing with Pisces born between the 11 March and 20 March. They are strongly influenced by Mars, Pluto and Jupiter. There will be something secretive or clandestine about your contact with these Pisceans, though, so be prepared for a rather different type of relationship if you’re serious about getting involved with them.

-------------

"You may have problems with Sagittarians born between 12 December and 21 December, so be sure you’re clear at the start about what you hope for in a relationship with them. This needs discussion: you need to be on the same radar screen as each other about love."

Which is wat we did for the patch up; we discussed and become clear about what we wanted for our r/s... and it worked pretty much perfectly...

"Be on guard when dealing with Pisces born between 1 March and 10 March — their overemotional sensitivity can create disturbances for you. They are finicky about the way you should save or spend your money. Being as free and easy as you are, this won’t be easy to adjust to."

Somehow, this is also very accurate.... =x

And also the dreaming part abt pisces.... = \

But the thing is that, about everything else is good.

I meep you. =~

[Mood Song] L'arc~en~Ciel - My Heart Draws A Dream

2010-02-25T12:26:00.000+08:00

Hora kaze ga ugoki dashita

Mada akirametari wa shinai

Taiyou wo kumo no saki ni kanjiru

Gyakufuu de arou to

Kono mune wa

Yume wo egaiteku yo dokomademo takaku

Jiyuu ni mau no sa

My Heart draws a dream

Oritatsu kanata de me wo aketara

Egao no mama no kimi ni aeru ki ga shite

Aeru to ii na

Nee iki wo awaseta nara

Motto takaku toberu hazu sa

Soko kara wa mirai ga mieru kana?

Tsugihagi de arou to

Kono mune wa

Yume wo egaiteku yo harukanaru toki wo

Tobikoeteku no sa

My heart draws a dream

Itsu no hi ka kitto kanau to ii na

Egao no mama no kimi de irareru you ni

Saa te wo nobashi

Ima, tokihanatou

Kokoro wa daremo shibare wa shinai

Shisen wa hizashi wo toraeteru

Donna sameta sekai demo

Daremo minna

Yume wo egaku yo

Our hearts draw a dream

Yume wo egaku yo

...Hora

Oritatta kanata de me wo aketara

Egao no mama no kimi ni aeru to ii na

-----------

[ENGLISH TRANSLATION]

Look! the wind has moved,i won’t give up yet

i feel the sun behind the clouds i think you’ll be there in an opposite wind

This chest is drawing a dream, towards to anywhere

fly high towards to the freedom MY HEART DRAWS A DREAM

Oh if I’d gone down in that place and I had opened my eyes

I have the impression that I could find you with that smile

I think that can find you it would be great

Right! If we join the sighs, we’ll fly higher

I wonder if there you can see the future?

We will walk together

This chest is drawing a dream, I’m going to overcome

a distant moment MY HEART DRAWS A DREAM

I think if someday doubtlessly it’d fulfilled it would be great

as you could be there with that smile

Come on! I extend my hand, now i know it

my heart wont join to nobody else

that day when you poured your look over me I’ve captured it

In a kind of frozen word

Nobody everybody

I draw a dream

MY HEART DRAWS A DREAM

I draw a dream

I draw a dream look!

Oh if I’d gone down in that place and I’d opened my eyes

Ah I think that find you with that smile would be great

Letter to Dear Dear #1

2010-02-25T10:11:00.000+08:00

The chat yesterday despite as difficult and hurting for both of us, it does helps to make up my mind. Upon thinking during my late dinner after blogging the post yesterday, i found a reason to stay alive and a direction to work towards.

You didnt get it right yesterday, for the rationale of why I want you to meet me; its not because you "own" me - but rather, i want you to meet me because you love me. Its true that I'm going thru perhaps one of the toughest patch in my life now, and at times, I really need to meet you, to at least keep myself motivated - not in the sense of just seeking comfort and "yi kao", but to let myself know that my decisions were correct, and the difficult situation i land myself in is worth it; most importantly, because i love you; i need you "recharge" my courage to move forward.

This posting, also marks the start of a series of blog posts that represents an avenue to keep you updated abt my progress, my thoughts, my feelings, as well as things that I wanted to tell you about, that I would tell you if you are with me.

Since I already promised not to contact you (unnecessarily, i must add) again; I must honour my promise - but still i need an avenue to talk to you, to keep myself sane. So i gonna just treat it like you do still come to my blog to read what I wrote (sorry if i scolded you in my posting in the past).

------

To be honest, I do met other girls and such (didnt really "stead" with them though, "met") - but every new girl i met, either at work or internet or outside, it just strengthen my belief that no one can replace you; my expectations got more specific (not necessarily higher); my conviction that you are the one strengthens.

But as much as you find my "emotions" undependable, I also cannot just trust my emotions just like that - thats why despite some friends asking me to just be back together with you; I strongly felt that I must let more time to pass before making such a decision.

After yesterday's chat, I realised, things are more complicated than I thought; for the first time, i realised that one of the reason from your side is actually because of your job, how it occupied your mind and space; and because of that, I knew that, there must be something that I must do before I can bring you back to me; and returning that love and peace back to both of us.

Its still the same shit problem - Money.

And money I shall seek.

------

And to correct your mother's words: if you already got a new bf, would you still return to me and love me? on the same note; IF i have a stable new gf, that would means i've moved on, why would i still look for you? Its an oxymoron (contradiction), its a very very VERY unfair statement to put on me.

You are STILL, the one and only girl I truly loved, spent the longest time together, understood me the most, gace me the happiest times in my life and made me sacrificed the most (even beyond my own mother)....

I can't understand how you could be #2 compared to my dreams; you didnt know that i had been delaying or putting aside my dreams, just to indulge myself in our love?

------

Now my heart drew the "dream" for me; i got a new direction and objective in life - not just "being successful", which is extremely vague. Now I got a clear goal, and i'm going to work towards it.

In time to come, you will know what it is.

I love you! Meow!

Can I just die?

2010-02-25T00:06:00.000+08:00

I no longer know whats right and whats wrong....

I dun even know how to do and what to do anymore...

Did i really treat her as the "2nd"???..... After all that... still 2nd?

Now all the "supposed" agreement is thrown out of the window. Its over even though its not. I now dun even have the rights to be angry... I dun even know if what i planned to do for my career meant anything anymore...

I'm dead... my life without love... how to pass....... when i had already concluded my exploration.

Is it all about money? I wish i have many of them.... does it still meant anything...

For the first time in my life... i actually feel that dying is better than living. (even though i wont suicide, i'm not such irresponsible fool).

But at least, at my dying bed, she would come; voluntarily. I would be happier than living.

----

For those whom have love, dun let go if both is mutual in love. Dun be like me.

I simply made a gamble, to fulfill certain uncompleted stuff, to clear a cluttered mind so i can concentrate; so that the r/s could last forever; I probably failed. I no longer know how to recuperate it... how to remedy it.

If only i have money....

Sorry to some of you, i still made the decision you guys advised me against. I suck.

----

I now really really hate that song - Forbidden Love.

Hurtz.

2010-02-23T16:17:00.001+08:00

I feel so hurt.

You never even consider even a bit to celebrate my birthday with me. Brilliant timing.

Really beyond my wildest imagination.

Enjoy yourself.

---

Its my only birthday wish this year.... | I can't believe it cant be fulfilled....

Financial SNAFU.

2010-02-23T00:31:00.000+08:00

Just when i thought things are getting normalized and under-controlled, my mum just threw a few bombs into my plannings...

suddenly, i had to pay for this month's starhub bills and then, a never-before-knew arrangement to pay for the maid/helper thats dedicated to taking care of my grandmother (take turns - and this month its my mum's turn).

Apparently, without much income, my mum cant fork out that sum. So, my plans to pay my CC bills, need to snap off and pay that maid... really unexpected development...

haiz... my angbao money supposedly planned as a "reserve" now end up had to be activated even before it being "reserved". =\

Capricious life ah.... capricious life.

Value of Exploration.

2010-02-17T09:49:00.000+08:00

I'm sure that we have heard the sayings/advise to go out and do something different; know more people; try something we never dared to try.

If you had read the previous post, its kindda emo post because i'm got mindfucked by my dream, although i already got over it (because its a dream, you forget quickly), i do learn something valuable and precious from it.

This dream is a result of just a long day of bombardment by xeno-ideas and feelings that differs from what i experience from a daily basis. Like for example, my little 3 year old cousin, Rei Ya; i never really talked to her or play with her, because she literally ignored me for ever until yesterday. And for the first time, i'm able to observe her closely and see her in a totally different personality, in which she only reveals to ppl she trust or close with.

Its revelation.

Because of her "unique" character (one i would describe as the personality of a high effluence girl), its really an eye opener on how you able to communicate with someone like that; since i never had such a friend, nor probably have a way in communicating with one. Her uniqueness inspire my mind to create a totally unseen character which i always wanted sub-consciously but "un-articulate-able" thru my sentient eyes.

And thats just one single day of experience bombardment.

What if i expose myself to new sights, new sounds, new experiences, new emotions on a more regular basis - i'm sure i gonna "grow" even more and become even wiser.

Like in what i put in facebook - to move on, step up, and fly away.

Explore; but explore the right things. =}

The Worst Nightmare Ever.

2010-02-17T06:53:00.003+08:00

Do you know what is the worst nightmare one can have?

No, its not the scary and frightening dreams; nor the public humiliation type; nor its the emptiness nightmre. Its much more profound. The worst nightmare is that you fall in love with a person that only exist in your dream, thru an elaborate and lengthy "story"; and finally, ended with you waking to find that, the person you fell in love with is all but just a dream. I just experienced that (thus why i'm blogging at nearly 6am in the morning).

---

(warning: due to the fact this the below "story" happened in my dreams, its going to be very random and sporadic)

Jinyuan, and I were going to go to class (some sort of sec sch setting). I was in the room, trying to find a bag to put my study materials. Its a pretty dark room, i think there's a tv. There are lockers too, with large table in the centre of the left "wing" (its kindda U-shaped room) with lotsa "free gift"-like bags laying around it. on the "turning part" of the room, along the wall also got other bags (but i think is more "personal" ones). Open ppl's locker, found girls clothes; got army skirts. I also dig into the bag along the "turning part" of the room, where i also found female army skirt and dunno wat shit... cant remember. This girl came in, so i try to not be associated with all this folded female skirts. Mohan and his members came in as well, talking abt their business and such.

After they came in, the details in this part of the dream plus my encounter with the girl, i think she called Tootyo or Tootya or Tooya or Tooyo, is lost...

Maybe we watched tv/movie in the room... i think. I also remembered chatting with her on msn, thus catching her name as such...

Dunno wat the fucked happened. We travelled around town, that is filled with shophouses; while you look up you can still see the Singapore skyline. But this town have tinges of taiwaness in it, and isnt really pure Singapore. I talked abt how mafan it is to go to these areas, thus i seldom go; concurred by Kane (dun ask me why Kane appeared; he simply did). Me and Tootyo went abt the town, chatting, i also dunno wat we chatted already; we just enjoyed spending time together. All this time I supposed to go back to "class", but i'm skipping it for her... At this moment, apparently, the story already moved on so much, and i already falling fall her, i did try to hold her hands; she did not resist; but i didnt hold long la - i'm a shy person~ LOL~

She purposely brought me to a restaurant, name _-8 or dunno wat eight liaoz... i just cannot remember.. Dunno wat 8. Then i say i totally never heard of this restaurant before, she say something like either i lousy or now i know liao loh... We ate. Then we came across a big mall; no recollection abt the happenings there though...

(memory lapse)

As me and dunno who were walking up the ravine thru the military base, i realised i forgot to take one of my number 4 shirt, so we went back down to the "town". There we met Tootyo again.

She was waiting outside this toilet, where there are crews setting up cameras (hacktv - hack something, if i remembered wrongly) in side the toilet; dunno what plot they had. She looked a bit moody.

Then it jumped to me seeing her hosting the show. She is so beautiful in the show...(where she put make up and dress up).

She is so beautiful in such a unique way(character). I wish i'm able to draw it out; but any of my drawings will only do her injustice. She is not that type of "pure beauty"; yet she have this charm that no one in the real life i know have. She is independant, reserved, love to have fun, rebellious in a fun and cute way. She clicks with me; willing to spend time with me; able to appreciates the little details in life; willing observes mundance and lame observations with me; in the dream, i also thought she is a good companion to have to bring around my camera to take pictures around town with; so good is this person that i was thinking i might even ditch my ex for her (although i'm already single, in and outside the dream).

(sad) at this point of time, my vision of her face and looks is already blurred... gaussian blurred.... i'm feeling that kindda hurt and sadness; of forlorn, yet of acceptance of the reality.

Fighter pilot; somehow the "training" is a real battle. I'm the squad leader (yet i looking in a 3rd person view). I assured my squad that this is going to be the last run(sortie) and we will fly back to base after it. I supposed to shout 1, 2, 3 and we fire, one of the wingmen just flew forward and shouted 3. He hurried me and the rest to fire and retreat. So as we fire, the AA gunner aimed at the wingman that in front of me, but missed him; instead hit me.

I died.

Yet i continue to see the dream in a 3rd person view.

The lecturer just treat like i'm nothing much, as he explained to the class that in war, every single little thing counts and every one killed/do will affect everyone else. My buddy gave a call to Tootya. And i woke up.

Apparent Tootya/Tootyo seemed to studied overseas or wat.... someone kindda console or discourage me, or i dunno la... in my dreams... Something to do with visual comm as well...

-----

As i write until this point, the memory is really fading very badly... perhaps its a good, for it that i'm falling for a virtual girl; a girl that only exist in my brain, my dream world. But i hope i can remember this feeling; this "touched" feeling; i want to use this as a marker, to find that ONE i'm destined.

Its a charm that totally unlocked my defenses; the kindda silent, reserved yet cheerfulness; the kindda ability to influence without trying... its this charm i want to remember. Its such a PURE character that i want to meet in real life.

Its going to be so difficult.

In real life, the person i loved the most, ever, is Raine, my ex. But in this dream, the girl had a totally different character (not suggesting Raine is not as good; simply different).

Tootyo have this very unique and special character and personality that (simple, pure, quiet, reserve, and perhaps after knowing me better, infectious cheerfulness and hopefulness) is really hard to find in the world today; that i'm living in and of the ppl i know.

I want to remember this feeling. I want to find this girl if possible. And i wont settle for anything less.

-------

In a more logical note:

This dream is a construct of the experiences of the entire day. As our brain, while we sleep, processes ALL the experiences and encounters we had when we are awake, to kindda clean up and shelved up all the emotions and memories that matters; while discarding the rest.

In my personal theory, some ppl appeared in the dream, because we too long never see that person already or thought of the person; thus that appeared.

So the appearance of Mohan, Jinyuan and Kane belongs to that (kindda, maybe going to forget abt them???)

The shopping mall came from 313 that i visited just now in the evening with my family as well as a movie i watched on TV in the afternoon (about mental disorder and shoppaholicism.
The character and personality of the girl came from 2 sources - my cousin, Rei Ya and Zhang Bo Zhi whom appeared in the movie i mentioned above.
Army stuff appeared probably because of the one-liner status update in facebook by Daniel abt R.O.D and his last reservist.
Fighter jet stuff, i really a bit no idea.
The shophouses town came from the roadtrip around chinatown after dinner at 313.
The unique restaurant (the dunno what name - 8) is perhaps inspired by the sight in 313.
The go to class thingy perhaps because i miss sec sch days? =\
The army camp involvement also perhaps i missed my army days...

But the girl perhaps is really inspired from my communication and time spent with Rei Ya (for most part) and to a lesser extent, from Zhang Bo Zhi from the movie she acted in... Because Tootyo is not snobbish at all compared to the very attitude character of Rei Ya; but she does have the kindda charm that Rei Ya have when she trust you more and willing to talk to you; Rei Ya have this beyond her age kindda character, which is really interesting considering she is only 3. A kindda quiet charm, you can say.

While Tootyo is not as pretty as Zhang Bo Zhi, but perhaps some part of the "influentialness" of her is absorbed into Tootyo.

But ultimately, Tootyo turns out to be a very unique character on her own...

Someone i hope i would meet and know one day in reality.

For now, good bye, my faded lover... = {
(memory almost faded by now....)

It was a beautiful dream.

(p.s: thanks god/deity/lord/universe for delivering this message to me; just when i'm lost, confused and in need of guidance)

[Mood Song] Avril Lavigne - Innocence

2010-02-14T02:42:00.000+08:00

Waking up I see that everything is ok

The first time in my life and now it's so great

Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed

I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

[Chorus]

This innocence is brilliant

I hope that it will stay

This moment is perfect

Please don't go away

I need you now

And I'll hold on to it

Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear

The first time in my life and now it's so clear

Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here

It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

[Chorus]

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliant, It Makes you want to cry

This innocence is brilliance Please don't go away

Cause I need you now

And I'll hold on to it, Don't you let it pass you by

[Chorus]

Back to my roots.

2010-02-09T14:47:00.000+08:00

I think i ever blogged before (not sure if its on this new blog or my lost one), the Me in sec sch is perhaps the purest and more ideal of the person i sought to become i guess.

The slackness of poly and the folly of my obsession over CHS destroyed what was possibly the best variant of Mingji; albeit one that i can easily class as "Geeky" or "Kampung-ish".

But somewhat, because of all the fluffs and noise of the "older years"; "personal heritage" seemed to slowly lost its face... And this appeared apparent when i saw this MTV, of the hit drama Love2000 (yes... the Forbidden Love song drama; the CHS thingy lah....)

Then I slowly start to remember the past me again... And my old online alias, Yuri (which i still do use occasionally, under the "revised" spelling Yuuri).

To think of it, i still think i like "Yuri" better than Yuuri.

Yuri is more me. Yuuri is just the epitome of the clogged up me of this day.

Another song that i loved during that time, also from Do As Infinity (because i bought their album, because of Love 2000)

From today onwards, I gonna resumed my own identity.

Yuri or Yuri_07.

~ Hayashi 'Yuri' Meiki.

Live Music | Life Music

2010-02-08T18:27:00.001+08:00

Technology advances thru decades and decades... From records to cassettes; to CDs and now mp3...

The appearance of recording technology had once strike fear into the musicians; whom asked, if they recorded my voice, my sound, my music... they do not need me anymore. They can just play from the records and they will hear me. Then who would want to hear me and listen to me?

The flawlessness and perfection within the records is unmatched by even the best practised musician.

After a century had gone since the unfounded calamity, this question is back again with the dying of the music industry; as piracy thru the internet made selling of CD, less and less profitable. Not to mention online streamings and Youtube (where i get more of my music diets).

But somehow, live performance is never really about perfection; not even abt the music per se.

While i'm listening to this piece from Spirited Away by Joe Hisaishi on Youtube, it dawns on me, its really not the "product" that matters; ITS THE ROOT! The beginning! The Creation.

To watch with your own eyes, to listen with your own ears; to be in THAT space, where something magical is happening.

From emptiness and nothingness, the pianist (or musician) touched the keys of the piano, reverbrating a single tone, and then another; the magical creation of a melody, so beautiful, so untainted... right from that very vacuum we were in...

The emotions, the feelings - conveyed thru the fingers and aesthetics of the limbs and body movements; the sounds vibrates thru the air and enters our ear into our brain - evoking senses, emotions and memories...

Its that magic that, a person can create something out of emptiness and express a multitude of possibilities into space we are all in.

He might not get every note right... he might not get the pacing right... he might even break down in the middle of it all. But thats what live performance is about.

Its something unselfish; unlike a disc where we just indulge in our own emotions and mood; live music shares and evoke a common feeling, and bring the hearts together into a single string of common thoughts and shared emotions....

For the musicians, they must understand that, for all the years and effort to spent to perfect and practise their craft, the live performance is not to just create music; its to bring about an emotion, an appreciation and bring the audience into another world, another realm... beyond that of the confine of our realities...

To go beyond our own reality; where we can see in a different light... and bring about a different world.

Thats music.

Live Music | Life Music.

----

p.s: that is why girls are always captivated when a guy plays the piano or any other musical instrument; because music skips the surface and go straight to the heart. Its beautiful. Its flawless...

Root of Emptiness.

2010-02-06T18:52:00.000+08:00

As the period of break ups had just past (yes, there is such thing as a wave/series of unconcerted yet mass breakups), no doubt, the broken hearted feels the emptiness and loneliness the engulfed us lovelorns; the bitter nectar flowing thru every sip between the cracks of our broken hearts. (although mine probably already past long enough to start moulding...; if not for the unceasing bleeding that kept the surface marinated upon surface upon surface of new undrying paint (or pain).

But after sometime, i start to wonder the root of all these all-encompassing emptiness that devastates thru the plains of our promised future.

Is it because of the lost love that we feel empty?
Is it because we are lonely, thus we feel empty?
Is it because we are too used to having someone by our sides and to spend time with, that thus we feel empty after we lost it?
Is it because of the fear that we will never find that "fulfillment in love" thus we feel empty?

What is it? I think I can continually come out with more and more useless hypothesis on why the emptiness persists and wreck our logic out of the freaking window.

What could be loneliness, could be mistook for love...
What could be love, could be mistook for loneliness...
Which is which, what is what?
May time come pass with the unravelling of the truth.

空。

Re-Hermit.

2010-02-03T02:02:00.000+08:00

Nearing 2am, I'm still awake; aflushed with different emotions, memories and thoughts.

Not just abt love per se, but also about the time in army, the passion and pride i had for my job then; the sense of duty and purpose, then seemed to be eroded as i left it...

Then of course, love, the perplexity that had obscured my vision and sense of direction.

But somehow, somewhat; there is this (again) a sense of determination that I gonna leave things behind and move on; no need love anymore as of now, for now and now.

I want to spend my time with my best friends, close friends; activities that i wanted to do; learn things that i always wanted to learn; and pursue my dreams as much as i possibly can.

Lets hope this would hold. Hermit once again.

Mingji's Capricious Destiny

Love vs Bread

the GIRL whom will be my life.

Courage in the face of Reality

[tumblr] new year - 2012.

→

→

→

2012 - The Year of Actions

Towards 2012, the year of awesomeness!

2011 in Retrospect...

A phone chat.

My new year wish on the marina bay ball...

Sky.

To all I have ever liked and loved.

Au = Gold

Bread Rulez

That 30 mins...

Taste of the same medicine.

The final 30 mins.

Mystery of the forlorn

Dependence

Muffled pain.

The Unknown Respect

Inner Beauty

Distracted.

Chunkfestless.

Heart broken....

Am I single or what?

Cavity in the heart.

Timeout : really out.

The Self-Centeredness of Designers

Sentiments.

Disturbed.

Nothing in my way.

13 months and counting...

Sleepless.

The Pillar Call "Success".

Death of Social Media. | Return of Blogging | Going Deeper

Lesson of the past year.

What a man should be.

Successful projects are lead by great visions - not tyrants.

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 8

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 7

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 6

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 5

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 4

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 3

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 2

Phuket Trip 2011: Day 1

Baby Hamster Joy For CNY? =P

First post of 2011

Last Day of 2010 | 2011: The Year of Change.

2010 New Year Resolution Review.

2011 beckons: A look back at 2010.

R.I.P, Miu Miu

New Ham Ham Addition: MIU MIU!!!

Again, a long time.

A maze of no exits.

The Wise Giant Tortoise

The Walk.

Caprice du Sunday...

Uranus' reign is finally over!

Design.

Capricious post.

[Mood Song] Clazziquai - 빛 (The Light)

[Mood Song] Eminem - Lose Yourself

[Mood Song] Da Mouth 大嘴巴 - 愛的宣言

[Movie Review] My Rainy Days - 天使の恋

A Bright Future.

Met.

[Mood Song] The Kooks - Naive

Double Bind.

[Mood Song] The Kooks - She Moves In Her Own Way

Eagle Eat Snake

Viral vibes...

5^

"Random"

Reframed perspective...

[Mood Song] Corrinne May - Fly Away